Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6).

Part I

I’ve been watching season two of Thirteen Reasons Why. When season one first aired, the timing was uncanny. Watching another girl go through one blow after another and struggle to keep moving forward was something I could relate to.

Last year, I coped with my worst bout of depression yet. I had a series of events I faced: people putting unrealistic expectations on me, change I was prepared for, heartbreak, issues with my family, unemployment, etc. Each situation made me feeling more dejected, depressed, not good enough, (and eventually angry) than the last.

The most difficult of these was being heartbroken. People are hard to replace. I was longing for marriage. I thought I found the perfect guy and saw signs of encouragement from God to pursue something more. But, the relationship ended abruptly and with little explanation.

I blamed myself. I repented because I knew part of the problem was that I had stopped being vulnerable. My depression was making me close myself off.

This is something Hannah does too, but, unlike Hannah, I did open up to one or two friends, and I did the one thing I knew to do — pray and cry to God.

On my best days, I surrendered my anxieties, doubts, insecurities, pain, and sorrow to God. I asked Him for forgiveness and victory over my circumstances. I prayed every time I felt overwhelmed. It helped. It was like therapy.

On my worst days, I challenged God to prove that He is an intimate God. I wanted Him to prove to me He is the way-maker, the grace-giver, etc. Because, in terms of spiritual warfare, I knew God was personal and gracious, but I wasn’t experiencing it. Knowing who God says He is and experiencing that are two different things. It was the biggest lie I was facing. It effected how I thought God perceived me, too.

Part II

Contrastingly, Job doesn’t doubt God’s identity as outright as I did. Instead, Job struggles with understanding why misfortune and persecution are happening to him, especially when he considered himself innocent. Underneath this question, Job struggles to understand who God is, and who he is.

Job is a righteous man, who experiences a change of prosperity to destitution, to prosperity again. The reason for this sudden life-changing circumstance is that God wanted to show Satan how He is worth more than anything this world could offer.

So, God confidently tests Job’s faith, knowing the strength of Job's spirituality. The trial’s terms allow Satan to plague him. As a result, Job losses everything: his health, wealth, family, and friends. But in the end, Job dies, in fact, love God more than everything else in his life.

The Debate

The book of Job is structured so that Job is debating with his friends and family on whether he is innocent or not and why or why not he deserves punishment from God.

On one side of the spectrum, Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz take the position that Job is being punished for his sinfulness and wickedness. On the other side, Job contests that the wicked do prosper, as well as defends God and his own innocence. Then there’s Elihu, who tries to take a middle ground; he thinks God makes the good and bad suffer for the purpose of teaching them; no one is perfect.

Why does God continue to allow Job to suffer?

While Job’s descent is a test of faith, God wants to refine Job by revealing a truth about his nature. He wants Job to know how prideful he has been.

In fact, when Job reaches his breaking point, his faith waivers. Job challenges God by asking why an innocent man like him would be punished (Job 13:18; 13:23-24; 23:3-4; 24:1; especially Job 31).

God’s response consists of reminding Job of the Lord's identity and who Job is to Him. God starts by questioning Job’s knowledge: “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?” (Job 38:2). Then he asks questions about creation, destruction, and control of all life, on the Earth and in the heavens (Job 38). God wants to remind Job that He has been there since creation and there is nothing he doesn't know. Contrastingly, Job is reminded of how limited humankind is, especially in terms of knowledge.

God allows for Job to respond. He says, “Dress for action like a man,” or “Gird your loins” (40:7). This phrase, “gird your loins” is similar to the phrasing that Paul uses in Ephesians when he describes the belt of truth. God is asking for Job to tell dress himself in truth; to be honest with himself.

Why?

The reason one needs to wear the belt of truth is to center oneself with truth, or they will be off balance and unprepared. When Job was debating his friends, he used his belt of truth. He was prepared to stand his ground in what he knew while amongst others who are on the same league as him. However, debating with God is an entirely different league.

In the debate with God, Job changes his mind about wanting to justify himself to God. Instead, Job promises to be silent and chooses not to reply (Job 40:3). Job's action shows his wisdom to knows when to listen and when to speak, if necessary. Job shows his awe and respect for God, when he is honest about how little he knows.

In other words, God humbles Job.

While listening, Job hears God's reason for causing him to suffer. God explains that he is the creator who has purposely made everything. He is allowed to refine those who are righteous by humbling the proud and blessing the humble (Job 40:10-14; Matt:5:2-11).

After God finishes Questioning Job, Job employs the belt of truth once more—he is honest with God. He allows God to reclaim his place as righteous and just. Job confesses and repents.

Luckily, God is willing to take the time and personally remind Job who God is. He is Yahweh. He is in control and everything He ordains is purposeful. And by explaining this, Job is reminded of who he is in God, a humble servant.

Part III

Last year, I questioned who the God was, but I questioned who I was to Him, too. Luckily, scripture offers some insight into who God is and who we are to Him.

Resource: “I am” statements for Christ.

Song: “Psalms 46 (Lord of Hosts)” by Shane and Shane.

Resource: “I am” statements for the Children of God.

Song: “Who I Am” by Hillsong.

Part IV

The best of my faith lead me to buy a set of three thin bands that stack and are designed with a delicate forged detailing. I call these rings my Trinity rings. I wear it on my right hand as a reminder of God’s promises.

My doubt resulted in me wearing a necklace that held little charms in it: a cactus for enduring harsh circumstances; a plate that said “be grateful”; a blue crystal to symbolize all the tears I was crying; etc. The necklace served as a way to tell God “this is my song, or testimony” until you change it.

I forgot both my rings at a hotel in Houston after my niece’s first birthday. When I realized they weren’t on my person, I thought: you aren’t getting off that easily, God. Making it to where I can’t wear the necklace you don’t like doesn’t change the state of my heart or my circumstances.

The hotel mailed my rings and necklace to me. The rings were fine. But somehow, the necklace broke in such a way that the locket was okay, but the ring that holds the chain of the necklace was broken. The necklace was broken despite how it was wrapped in bubble wrap and placed in an insulated envelope. It made me laugh.

The odds.

I made a small necklace that had similar charms in it to replace the broken necklace.

Later that summer day, I went to reach for my purse and on top of all my items, was a cross necklace. It has three lays to the cross and a diamond at its center. It was obviously a guy necklace based off of the design.

I retraced my steps. I went to the café, the laundromat, and the front office. The café was really crowded, the laundromat was empty. The front office wasn’t busy.

Nevertheless, I asked the front if they had any camera footage to show if someone had dropped the necklace. The owner asked questions, but when they found out how I came across the necklace they said the necklace was likely a gift, which meant that the stranger slipped it in my bag when I was at the café that morning.

Through that kind act, God used it to remind me that He is giving me His best and that He already gave me His perfect Son.

The cross, Jesus's death and resurrection are my song.

I am betrothed.

Part V

Remember: A woman of God is worth more than riches: “She is worth far more than rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

You are worth God’s love. “For so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

You are worth God’s time. In the Parable of the Lost Sheep, we are told a parable of how a shepherd would leave a herd of 99 sheep to search until he finds one lost sheep: “Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep” (Luke 15:1-7).

You are worth God’s energy, investment, and favor. “If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32).