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Being Young And Married In A Casual Dating Society

What happens when you decide you want commitment and everyone else only wants a week?

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Being Young And Married In A Casual Dating Society
Josh's Photography

Recent surveys of the younger generation have shown that a majority of people don't want to be married or committed to a long-term relationship anymore. We have become a society that's hooked on hook-ups. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I used to play into it myself. We often feel like we need someone to survive, but we don't want to be tied down to them forever for fear of missing out on other experiences. I can totally get that, but for me my entire life I have known that I wanted something more: I wanted the white picket fences, dogs running around, kids crawling through the house, and an amazing person by my side through it all. So what happened when I grew up and realized that's notwhat most other people wanted? Well... I panicked.

I maintained many relationships throughout high school, and being the love-struck teen that I was, I thought that all of them would end in marriage. I was a serial dater, but a serious one. I played into hook-up culture but always tried to take it a step further and make jokes about taking someone's last name or when we would get married. That's where I went wrong. It was a dangerous path to tread - the line between casual dater and wannabe wife - and one that ended in heartbreak a lot. And it was then that I realized hook-ups were not for me. I understood feeling like you needed to be wanted, but I didn't like the feeling of moving on so quickly from one person to the next. I realized that I didn't want these short relationships with little commitment: I wanted forever, and that didn't seem to be common thought anymore.

So, what did I do? I fell in love. Again. But this time, it wasn't due to trying desperately to feel needed. It wasn't ever meant to be a little hook-up. I wanted it to be real. It was a rough transition, but love hit me like a truck. I went from serial dater to being young and a fool in love. But that young love had the potential to be so much more, it grew and transformed with us as we grew, and before you know it I became young and married. At a time when life was coming at me full force, I managed to find a love to last the ages, and boy did it shake things up.

Going to a bar wasn't desperately hoping someone would buy me a drink, but instead complaining to my spouse about how much cheaper it would have been to make our drinks at home. There's no more flirting with the bartender, but there is watching two people on their first date connect and fondly remembering how magical that was for you. "Netflix and Chill" isn't a suggestion to get down and dirty, but rather to snuggle under warm blankets and spend the length of a movie trying to find a movie that you agree on.

It's not all that easy and fun. There are times I can admit it would probably be easier to be single and unattached. When our rent is 2 months behind and we find a notice on our door. When our work schedules don't match up and I won't see him all week. When we're fighting over whose turn it is to clean the apartment (yes, that really is what you fight over when you're married). Because we're both young, there's a lot of growing and maturing to do. We're changing as people every day and our relationship changes right along with it. However, I wouldn't give it up for anything, because along with the struggles comes the successes that feel better than any high ever could. When we manage to pay all our bills on time. When we can surprise the other with a random date night after work. When we go grocery shopping and come back with a fridge full of healthy food. When I'm in pajamas and have a face mask on, and he still pulls me in to tell me I'm beautiful. I never have to worry if I'm just the flavor of the week or if I'll get bored with this one.

I can never fully describe what it's like to be young and married, especially when you look around and see couples like us less and less. There's nothing wrong with hook-ups. But I also want to put out there that there's nothing wrong with allowing yourself to fall in love, despite what society has to say. Too young? Too fast? Too much to worry about. Let yourself live and love and experience life, and just know that it can be just as beautiful (if not more so) with someone standing by your side indefinitely as it can be alone.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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