The premise of being woke is one that exists in an idealistic void. We assume that being able to coin the phrase means that we must automatically have the approval of other people. That being 'woke' means that we are well-liked within marginalized communities, that we have the right to use this term for ourselves because we don't encounter arguments about it.

In reality, there are plenty of arguments to be made. We just don't often hear them.

But Harley, you object, I can't possibly be the problem. I'm a good ally! I listen to those who have valid complaints about the hierarchical systems of everything that our society is rooted in.

Except the problem is that if you need to make the issue about you, then you are one of those creating the problem. It's very easy to give yourself a label that makes you look good and pretend it applies 100% with no caveats. That twinge in your chest when you hear about problems specific to a race other than your own or issues that arise when allies overstep their bounds might not be just rational discomfort with the fact that these things are happening - it might be discomfort with the idea of these marginalized communities being anything other than grateful for the help. Most of the time, we think we're helping; to be fair, we might be. We might also just be making things more complicated than they already were.

When self-identified allies start dictating what ally behaviors are and are not acceptable, that's where we find the problem. When we start speaking over those we're hurting with voices of confusion and entitlement because we're being good, and we don't understand why others can't just understand that. It's possible to still have the intent to do good and forget to take into account the entitlement we still have when our position of privilege qualifies us as simply 'allies'.

This is an open letter to several experiences I've had. An open letter to the girl who spent several minutes talking about how she wasn't a racist and then responding to a retail worker's comment that the majority of shoplifters weren't POC with 'That you caught, at least.' A reflection on those on my Facebook feed who are of the firm opinion that Colin Kaepernick should get out of the country, neglecting to factor in that 'freedom of speech' doesn't necessary mean 'freedom of all the speech you personally like, and death to all you don't.' A comment to the friend who told me that racial profiling shouldn't be a problem if the victims had nothing to hide to begin with.

All of the above are people who claim to be allies, or at least get defensive when others call them racists. Just because you condemn the operations of the KKK and substitute racial slurs for thinly veiled but technically politically correct insults does not mean you are not a racist.

And then there's yours truly. The one who considers themselves to be a good ally and partakes of none of these behaviors, but who also didn't try to correct those mentioned above for fear of retaliation, nastiness, or personal insults. And I am so sorry.

Part of being an ally is using one's privilege to get people to listen to you and maybe orchestrate a change. Until that is incorporated into the modern definition, we are all useless actors in a silent movie as the locomotive of institutionalized racism picks up speed once again.