I’m 23 years old and have always heard about the "patriarchy," but was never affected by it until just recently. I never in a million years thought I would be put in the situation I was put in, and then when I was, I never thought it would be handled the way it was. I understand now what it feels like to be victimized by men, and it is unacceptable.

I had been working at my current job as a hostess at Olive Garden for about six months and had loved it. I thought the management was exceptional as well as all my coworkers. But in an instant that all changed, and I saw the true colors of the management team — especially the general manager.

It all started with a specific coworker who, for whatever reason, finds pleasure in being incredibly rude to everyone around him and making people feel insignificant. He would always make inappropriate and blatantly mean comments to me that were hurtful and just unnecessary. At first, they were just digs at how I did my job, which I didn’t let affect me because I had always been praised highly by the managers and knew that I was doing everything right. But then the comments started getting personal and hurtful. Again, I ignored them because I knew I had done nothing to this person and really didn’t care what he thought of me. Even though they were annoying, I shrugged them off. Even though I shouldn’t have to tolerate verbal abuse, I could deal with it.

This went on for a while and then one night the verbal abuse turned physical. In the kitchen, I was standing with my back turned towards the aisle talking to another coworker. Suddenly, I felt myself flying forward with enough force to slam into the counter that was a good three feet in front of where I had been standing. It took me a second to register what had happened and when I turned around to see who had done such a disgusting thing, I wasn’t surprised when I saw that one co-worker walking past me like nothing had happened. I literally couldn’t believe it. I was in awe. I had just been assaulted in my workplace.

I was pretty shaken up when I went into the office to tell the two managers who were working that night what had happened. After talking and crying to them, I felt much better. They had reassured me that nothing like that would ever happen again. I hesitated when they asked me to write down my statement because I was afraid it would make things worse if the coworker found out I had gone to Management. They promised me that it would be completely anonymous and my name wouldn’t come up. I left work feeling down, but hopeful.

That was all crushed the next day when the GM called me into the office. He questioned my statement in a way that made me feel like I had done something wrong. Then he proceeded to tell me that he, the coworker and I were going to have a face-to-face sit-down. I was livid. This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to give my statement to begin with. I was terrified. I felt like I was going to throw up and contemplated just quitting right then and there but then thought to myself, "Why on earth should I be the one to quit?" And then the reassuring words of the managers from the night before ran through my head and I hoped things would work out.

I sat down in the back of the restaurant with my GM and the coworker, who sat across from me smiling so smugly I wanted to punch him in the face. The whole meeting is a little bit fuzzy because my head was so filled with anger and hurt that I literally couldn’t think straight. To sum it up, the GM told me that there was nothing he could do, that I was in the way and the coworker had simply put his hand out because he was carrying a try and didn’t want me to back up into him. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when I heard this because they really must have thought I was dumb. I know what that feels like. I’ve been in a busy kitchen many times and have had people do that to me and I have not gone flying across the room slamming into a counter due to the force. The GM proceeded to tell me that the assailant wouldn’t be facing any consequences. He wouldn’t even be written up. (Side-note: This is coming from a manager who writes people up for being a minute late and wearing the wrong kind of shoes.) Lastly, he said that if this ever happened again, if I told a manager something that "proves not to be true," he would take further action against me.

This is where it gets really interesting: he then told me that if I spoke about the situation to anyone that I would be written up, and not just a normal write-up. This would be a final written notice, which is basically one step away from being fired. As I was listening to this, I couldn’t believe my ears. The GM also brought up all the nasty comments I had told him this coworker had been saying to me, and his response was, "Maybe he was just testing the waters… trying to get to know you.”

I couldn’t believe this. I had been physically and verbally assaulted and I was being made out to be the bad guy. I was made out to be crazy. I was the one who was basically being punished for being honest. I was sick. I could hardly hold back the tears after I had been dismissed. How on earth did this go this way? I was disgusted and all the respect I had held for the management team had just been demolished.

I shouldn’t be afraid to go to work, but I was. Not really in the physical sense because I knew if he ever put his hands on me again I won’t even deal with the joke of Management, but will go straight to law enforcement. But every day I had to work with him, he continued to make his insulting comments and I could hardly tolerate them anymore. I hated seeing him walk around the place like he was a gift from God and the best thing that ever graced the face of the earth. It disgusted me. I couldn't even say anything to him or Management because I, the victim, feared for my job and my safety. It’s verbal harassment. There is no other word for it or a way around it. And it’s vile. I hated everything about him and it honestly made the work I used to love to do every day miserable. This all because of one sorry excuse for a man and a management team who obviously does not value its employees' mental well-being or safety.

I can guarantee you if the manager had been a female the ending would have been way different. But because I am a girl and both other parties were males, they decided to make any excuses for it to be my fault. And guess what? It worked. Why was being labeled the victim such a God-awful thing, but the abuser never once took responsibility for what he did to me?

I am now at a different job where I am valued and I don't fear going to work every day. The whole situation was a learning experience, and although at the time it was incredibly hard to deal with, I am glad it happened. What I hope that everyone can take away from this is that you are worth so much and you should never allow yourself to be treated like you aren't. If I could go back I would've handled the situation much differently, but I was scared and hindsight is 20/20. If you are in a situation where you are being harassed or abused, get out. No job is worth making you feel violated and miserable. There will always be another job, but none of them are worth your physical and mental well-being.

I want everybody to understand that being a victim is not a crime. Being a victim does not make you a lesser person. Being a victim does not give anyone the right to judge you and being the victim should not be turned on you to make you into a bad guy. Stand up for your rights and don't let people walk all over you.