I'm not your typical girl I suppose. I don't have multiple guys texting me--not even one. I've never been on a date. I don't have guys commenting on my pictures. None of that. Perhaps you have. What does that feel like?

There comes a point in which you wish you had one. It's only human. You want to be loved and called beautiful. You start to question if you are doing something wrong, or if there is something wrong with you. There comes those scary moments where you think to yourself "Oh my God. Am I going to be alone forever?" That is a scary thought. You think about having a husband and kids, but then get a sense of panic wondering if that'll actually happen. After all, you have been waiting patiently for what feels like forever, and nothing so far. What if someday becomes never?

You are constantly roasted by people in not having a boyfriend. May that be family or whoever. But you know what? I have not had a boyfriend because I guess my morals are different. I wish to find someone who I truly love and truly loves me. And before that happens, I want to learn how to love myself. I want to see the world and experience it's wonders, and grow. "How can I find the right someone, when I haven't even found myself?" I want to be the one being chased. And when I do have a boyfriend. It will be real. In the sense that he will know that I waited for the right one, and the wait was totally worth it just for him. You see, I know my worth. I've never really needed anyone. I know I am beautiful (believe me, I mean that with no intention of arrogance), and I will wait, because I know that the right one will see my worth. I won't have to fight for it or prove it, because he will love me.

The thing is, all my life I have had other responsibilities that haven't really permitted me the emotional time to love someone. I have a brother with Autism, who has shown me to see the world differently and love humans differently most of all. I'm very focused on my family, and helping others, and that's how it's been. I don't know what I would do if suddenly someone came and tried to help me. What I am trying to say, is that up to this point I have never really needed anyone besides my family. Of course, I will always need my family, but my trust in God is big. I trust that He will bring the right guy at the right time and at the right place. And when I meet him, my love will be big and it will be special.

Perhaps I make myself hard to get. I'm not really flirty (actually, not at all, I don't even know the definition). I don't really go out and party. So perhaps that contributes to the reason why guys don't jump up and pick me per say. I don't really open up so quickly. I tend to put up a fake front and I've gone through things in life where I've learned to not need anyone extra besides my family. I put up a tough front, and I rarely let anyone see the person behind it. How will I let a person into my life just like that? What will it be like having to put the armor aside? What do I do when I have learned to be strong all my life and suddenly need someone? I'll be scared to believe you love me. Because no one has told me that before.

I would question, "God, what is wrong with me? I swear I'm not ugly. I'm not a bad person. Then why?" But for me, those are only moments. Then I carry on, snap out of it, because dammit I don't need no man, (at least not now). Because now, I want to love life. I want to rejoice and experience new places and meet new people. And frankly, I got other things to worry about. I want to better myself, and achieve some goals first. And I just think to myself, there has gotta be the right one out of 7 billion people, right? And I gotta bump into him at some point in this journey of life, right? I believe in what's meant to be. Maybe a soulmate? I don't know.All I know is that God knows what He is doing and I trust him. And I know the moment I meet the one, it will feel right. Because I have a lot of love in my heart and one day I will be able to give it to someone else, as I will receive his in return. It'll be worth it.