I've always been a super tiny kid growing up but I never used to have a problem with it because that was just the way I was. I used to do a lot of athletic activities like ballet, tap, and jazz dancing and I also competed in dance competitions as well. Those activities, in a way, kept me small.
In the dance world, being skinny was something everyone wanted to be but obviously not something that should've been a thing to strive for. It was only when I started my freshman year in high school when I started to feel uncomfortable with how I looked.
You know, freshman year? The time when every kid decided to start acting out because they believed they were "grown" with less supervision than they had in middle school. My freshman year of high school was the first time I ever had someone tell me I looked like a twelve-year-old boy but it definitely wasn't the last.
It's hard being judged by your appearance especially when you feel comfortable with the way you are. Even my own friends back then thought it would be funny to tell me I "looked anorexic" as if having an eating disorder was a joke. I am perfectly healthy but I always get some person that's oh-so-concerned with my health, urging me to eat some burgers (I hate burgers).
Besides, family reunions are the worst when you're "too" skinny, especially if you're a part of the black community like I am. They assume I've got "issues" when I show up just as skinny as I was the last time they saw me. Everyone is always staring at me during family meals wondering how much I will eat.
I would always feel so judged to the point where I would end up stuffing my face the whole dinner, even when I was full, just so everyone would leave me alone. Being skinny has also gotten me into tons of situations where I was mistaken for a twelve-year-old as well. At a certain point I had to tell myself that there was no way that that many people were concerned with my health.
These people that judged me were just thinking about how they thought I should look like as a twenty-one-year-old woman. All these people who cared so much about my appearance would have much more to say if I were to gain weight. There will always be someone that has something to say about someone else so what is the point of trying to live up to their weird expectations?
Fat, skinny, tall, and short are just some words used to describe people and shouldn't be used as slurs. I believe it is easier to learn to love your body just the way it is than trying to keep up with every new body trend and every person's opinion of you.
