I walk around campus every day.

Many times my experience just walking to class is unbearable.

I walk past a girl with blonde hair.

I look up to see where I'm walking, and she gives me a look.

Just a look.

I can feel it.

Eyes beating down and looking at my outfit. It's different. I'm not wearing a bright colored dress and heels. I don't have makeup on. My hair isn't up and my roots are showing. I'm not skinny enough. I have acne. I look young.

I'm disgusting.

I put my head down. I keep it down. I ignore the thoughts and the look and I keep walking.

A guy, most likely on a sports team on campus, and his friends are talking while they approach me. They laugh. They look at me.

Did they laugh at me?

They look at me again.

They walk past me. They are behind me now. Finally.

They laugh AGAIN.

I can feel one of them look at me from behind. I feel violated. I feel ashamed.

I feel more disgusting.

Maybe I shouldn't have worn leggings today...

I keep my head down. I need a distraction. I'll just look at my phone ten million times waiting for a text or a notification.

Nothing.

I call my mom.

I'm at my classroom, but there are 45 minutes before class and I want to talk to my mom, so I sit on a brick wall outside the room.

A class just got out.

Every single person walks by and looks at me.

Am I talking too loud? Do I look weird? Did I sit in something? What's wrong?

WHAT IS SO WRONG?

Nothing.

Nothing is wrong.

But for some reason, people like to look at me, stare at me, and make fun of me.

For what purpose? Am I really that gross? Do I need to be perfect to walk to a class? Why can't I wear sweatpants and be accepted like that other girl? Can I not be different?

Can I not be human with flaws?

No, I can't.

I have to be pretty and perfect.

And now a mere walk is unbearable.

You may not say it to my face, but your facial expressions and body movements say a lot to me.

A lot of negativity.

Author's Note

As I walked to my first class, I wrote all of these experiences down on my phone.

This was one of the many walks I have experienced walking to class in the morning.

No exaggerations.

This is my walk to class.

Everyday.

You can normally see me walking to class and staring at the names of the graduates of Florida Southern College. I think about the future and if my name will be engraved onto one of those concrete slabs, and someone will stare at my name every day on their walk to class.

This is one of my many distractions.