The other day, one of my guy friends pulled me aside and told me that I was flirting/leading a boy on.
Um, what? How? Since when?
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I had to have him clarify. What did I say that he thought I was flirting with a boy? I don't recall a moment where I called him cute to his face or asked what he was up to later? I would never just do that, especially when I have a guy of my own. So, of course, I asked my friend what he meant.
His response: "You were being really nice to him. He put him self down and you picked him back up. I bet he thinks you're flirting. I did when I met you, I just know my boundaries."
Okay. Hold up for a second. I was being nice to him? That's why he might think that I'm flirting with him? Since when does being nice mean flirting? Why was I not aware of this? ( I was also questioning that last part, but there was a bigger issue ahead.)
Of course, I did what any confused teenager would. I asked around to some of my friends. They let me in on some of their experiences:
"One time, when I was on a night off from work, I saw a girl crying at a local pizza joint. She looked like she had been stood up or something, and I was eating alone, so I bought her a slice and a drink. We're talking, and she's opening up, telling me about a boy who cheated on her, and she's leaning in closer and closer. She's comfortable, and venting, so I ignore it. The night drags on, and I have to get moving to an open mic night up the street. She follows me, and I let her hang around. By the time I'm done playing, she's making eyes at me. I know I screwed up, and I'm trying to friend zone her quickly, but not fast enough, so she comes in for a kiss. I move out of the way, and never went to the pizza place or the venue again."
-Alex, 17
"During my sophomore year, I was determined to make new friends. My biology class was made up of mainly guys. Most of them ignored me, but one used to talk to me. I guess he didn't have many friends either. We used to talk in class and eventually text a bit. But, because I was his friend and a girl, he assumed I liked him. I would get so uncomfortable when his friends would tell me I was flirting all the time. All I really did was tell jokes to spare me of my discomfort. They told me I was lying when I said I wasn't. I ended up blocking him on everything because everything got too weird. To this day, I still haven't talked to him."
-Heather, 17
"I had this friend when I was younger that would come to me when she was having a bad day. I thought I was just being a good friend by listening and giving her advice. I guess she thought I was flirting with her because she ended up having some sort of feelings for me. I think they're gone now, I don't know. I haven't talked to her in forever."
-Joe, 18
"We had public speaking together and he and I were usually the first couple of people in there so we'd talk and there were a couple days where one of us was upset so we talked to each other about what was going on. It was really just conversation (or so I thought) and when he asked for my number I just said sure, and gave it to him. When he texted me, he would send the kiss emoji and a heart here and there. Then he asked me out on a date and I had to tell him I was just being conversational."
-Karen, 19
I never realized when being nice meant that I want to be more than friends. Which, I don't think it really does, but I don't know when "flirting" and "nice" became synonymous. Therefore:
To Those Reading This,
If someone is being nice to you, don't suspect they're flirting unless they say something that actually puts them into the position to actually flirt with you - i.e. "Hey, are you single?" or "You're pretty cute, are you free to go out sometime?" Spare them and you some awkwardness and let things play out.
If they say something along the lines of "I don't think you should talk bad about yourself." or "Hey, are you okay?" that doesn't mean they're planning your future together.
Sincerely,
Those Who Are Just Trying To Be Nice
