To some extent, I've always been embarrassed of my mental health. I was diagnosed with ADD in second grade, depression in sixth, and bipolar 2 years after graduating high school. I've never liked taking meds because they made me feel different- different from everyone else, who was "normal" in my mind. I've never liked showing my true feelings, or what goes on inside my head.
Within the last month or so, I've started seeing a psychiatrist again after about a year of not being in any type of therapy. It's rough starting something new, especially for me. I don't do well with change, good or bad.
Being mentally ill brings darkness no one understands. And in that darkness lies twisted comfort.
I can't find the right words to fully explain why my brain works the way it does, how I think, how others can help. I do know one thing- mental illness is not always scary. Humans are wired to be cautious of difference, and being mentally unstable is different. And while feeling trapped in one's own mind can be terrifying, we are not fundamentally bad people. We have hopes, and dreams, and we love, and we try to life on our own with as little help from the outside as possible. No one likes admitting they need help, but sometimes it's desperately needed.
We are humans, too. And humans have fundamental rights.