It's not news to me that I'm an introvert. I dread being called on to answer questions, unless I'm 110% sure of my answer beforehand. I hate forced socialization, like that moment before church starts where the minister encourages you to get up, walk around, and greet your neighbors. That's when circuits in my brain start shorting out. Is it okay to hug strangers? Am I looking at the ground right now? Shoot, I am. Okay, look up. No, no, no, don't make eye contact. How long should I hold this person's eyes? Someone else is coming up to me. How do I go in for a handshake? How do I keep from bumping into people? Can I just weave through the crowd and avoid this altogether?
Sometimes it seems as though extroversion is heralded as this golden, glowing trait that everyone should strive to achieve (or at least fake). I'm constantly told that I should be more outgoing in almost any situation I find myself in. In church, you're told that it's not enough to inwardly reflect and build upon your faith - you have to publicly pronounce it, and if you can't do that, what's the point of faith? they say. In school, group activities are promoted and teamwork is a must. There's a class just to learn how to speak publicly, which is the very epitome of hell on earth for people like me. At home, my mother tells me to stop being so antisocial and encourages small talk, a supposed necessity to interact with other people.
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But truth be told, it's relaxing when I am allowed to be myself. I don't need as much socialization as others might. I can count my friends on maybe two hands, close friends on one. I only like to interact with one or two people at a time - otherwise, I start to get anxious, like I'm not taking care of all of them equally. In person, unless it's someone I am completely comfortable with, I don't speak unless spoken to directly - unless it's a topic that burns inside me with a passion and I am extra certain of what I want to say. Most of the time, I let my friends do the talking for me.
In my mind, I envied extroverts. I wanted to think on my feet. I really did want to be more social and connect with people easier, and not be so awkward in general. But over time, I've come to figure out that introversion isn't all bad. My ability to listen has given me glimpses into other people's lives that I surely would have missed otherwise. I've come to realize that my purpose in this world is not, God forbid, to talk and inspire, but to listen and understand. I don't connect to people like others might - I can't make small talk, no matter how hard I might try. I can't use the gift of speech to inspire people. Rather, I think I've been called to inspire people in a different way, through my silence. People talk so often that it's not uncommon for one to long for silence, for an ear rather than a mouth. Through my silence, I have seen and heard people in pain, the ones that others miss as they go about their lives. It's these people who I go to, or try to, and do the only thing I'm good at in a social interaction - listen. Not everyone needs inspiration. Some just need understanding.
I'm by no means saying introversion is the best, and that all the talkers should be listeners. Rather, I'm saying that we shouldn't take the listeners for granted. Introverts aren't failures compared to extroverts, but the yin to their yang. Religion isn't all about evangelism, learning isn't all about teamwork, and neither the business world nor the real world are all about public speaking and "people skills."
Extroverts and introverts could certainly learn a lot from each other. And take it from me, the world needs who you are, quiet and socially awkward or outgoing and great with people. We all have individual strengths and weaknesses that not only make us unique, but balance each other out. It's important to remember to embrace these differences, and learn from them. Just be you!
