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Health and Wellness

Being In My Own Head Was Scary

It was a dark place.

Madyson Dyer

Feb 27, 2017

Saint Vincent College

Teresa Freitas

I am a person who suffers greatly of getting stuck in my own head. I listened to the voices and the words echo like an empty cavern. I listened to the lies told to me and dismiss the truths. There is never an end in sight. No, I don't suffer from anxiety. No, I don't suffer from depression. I suffered from me. I took my past and made it my present. I was my own victim. I deemed myself unworthy of love. I believed that no one will want me and my damaged pieces. I believed that I was silly for believing in my own strength to pull my out of the mess I had created. I walked around with a big smile that faded when I'm alone. I had an ache in my heart that could be unbearable at times. I believed I will never be good enough. I believed that I am a failure. I believed that I am nothing.

Everyday I wake up with this running through my head. And everyday I fight. I fight to be hero rather than the victim. I fight to silence the voices. I fight to know that I am worthy of love, a love so much bigger than I could ever imagine. I fight to be the strong woman I can be. I fight to keep that smile on my face. I fight that ache in my heart. I fight the thoughts that I am not good enough and that I am a failure. I am someone.

I am the daughter of King who whispers truths in my ear every moment of the day. A king who calms the voices. A King who builds me up and helps me conquer the demons I battle at every turn. A King who loves me more than any human is capable of. A King who wants me so much that He died for me. A king who strengthens and empowers me to be powerful. A King who embraces me and holds me when I cry and when I fail. A King who rejoices with me in my successes. A King who will protect me, heal me, and save me.

I am a friend, a daughter, a teacher. I am outgoing and bold. I am fearless and I am patient. I am silly and loving. I see the world with child-like wonder. I give more love than I will ever receive and that's okay. I am forgiving and I am kind. I am emotional and I am strong. I am loved. I am me.

I fought my battles and escaped my own mind. I am still becoming who I am but I am confident and I trust in the Lord to show me the path I need to take.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Being In My Own Head Was Scary

It was a dark place.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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