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Health and Wellness

Being In My Own Head Was Scary

It was a dark place.

Madyson Dyer
Feb 27, 2017
Saint Vincent College
20
Being In My Own Head Was Scary
Teresa Freitas

I am a person who suffers greatly of getting stuck in my own head. I listened to the voices and the words echo like an empty cavern. I listened to the lies told to me and dismiss the truths. There is never an end in sight. No, I don't suffer from anxiety. No, I don't suffer from depression. I suffered from me. I took my past and made it my present. I was my own victim. I deemed myself unworthy of love. I believed that no one will want me and my damaged pieces. I believed that I was silly for believing in my own strength to pull my out of the mess I had created. I walked around with a big smile that faded when I'm alone. I had an ache in my heart that could be unbearable at times. I believed I will never be good enough. I believed that I am a failure. I believed that I am nothing.

Everyday I wake up with this running through my head. And everyday I fight. I fight to be hero rather than the victim. I fight to silence the voices. I fight to know that I am worthy of love, a love so much bigger than I could ever imagine. I fight to be the strong woman I can be. I fight to keep that smile on my face. I fight that ache in my heart. I fight the thoughts that I am not good enough and that I am a failure. I am someone.

I am the daughter of King who whispers truths in my ear every moment of the day. A king who calms the voices. A King who builds me up and helps me conquer the demons I battle at every turn. A King who loves me more than any human is capable of. A King who wants me so much that He died for me. A king who strengthens and empowers me to be powerful. A King who embraces me and holds me when I cry and when I fail. A King who rejoices with me in my successes. A King who will protect me, heal me, and save me.

I am a friend, a daughter, a teacher. I am outgoing and bold. I am fearless and I am patient. I am silly and loving. I see the world with child-like wonder. I give more love than I will ever receive and that's okay. I am forgiving and I am kind. I am emotional and I am strong. I am loved. I am me.

I fought my battles and escaped my own mind. I am still becoming who I am but I am confident and I trust in the Lord to show me the path I need to take.

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