People always say that girls typically spill their emotions more than men do. We are emotionally confused or have mood swings, apparently more often than not. This is not true for all of us. If you are anything like me you typically reply “I’m fine” or “nothing” when someone asks what is wrong. I know it’s not the healthiest way to live life, but it’s the way I work -- I just can’t do emotions.
I can tell people literally anything about my life -- I’m an open book most of the time -- but I just don’t see how I’m feeling as something that other people would find interesting. To take this even further I’m one of those people that will laugh when I’m supposed to cry and cry when I’m supposed to laugh. It’s weird, I know. When opening gifts from people I look at it like a piece of meatloaf, I don’t like meatloaf, but on the inside I’m saying, “Wow! This is so cool!” The worst part is when others come to me with their emotions. My biggest desire is to help them, but besides putting on my listening ears, giving them the best bear hug possible, and offering up my shoulder I have no idea how to form words. Unless it’s written down in a letter or something they will get little to no feedback from me.
It’s not that I don’t feel things, I do, a little too much sometimes. Everything that is said to me is taken to heart more than a lot of other people that I know, and not being able to express that is really hard.
Being a girl that can’t do emotions sometimes has a burden on me. I feel as though there’s a huge weight on my shoulders sometimes, like I know this big secret that I was told not to tell anyone. This is where the most important factor comes in though -- friends. Without friends I would literally get nowhere with my emotions. There are two main friends that know how to handle this girl that can’t do emotions really well, and I couldn’t thank them enough for it. They sit me down and wait in silence as the words start to form in my head. Sometimes it can take seconds and other times minutes, and they are okay with that. I don’t know how they figured me out, but I’m okay with it.
At first I didn’t have them, not in this way anyway. I wrote all of my feelings in a journal hoping to escape the reality of them, but it doesn’t work that way. I found that no matter how much I wrote I still wasn’t solving anything. It’s not like the journal could talk back and apologize for something that it didn’t do. I’m not saying that the journal didn’t help at all, it helped me form my thoughts into actual words, but it didn’t do what another human being can do for you. So if you’re the girl who can’t do emotions, like me, find those friends that get you.
