At 20-years-old, I have some serious commitment issues. So you might be wondering, "How is she in a relationship then?" Let me explain.
Most people don't think young women having commitment issues. It's primarily in the boys department from experience and stories that I've heard. With that being said, women DO have commitment issues and I am one of those women. I struggle with letting myself open up to others because I am so afraid of being left and getting hurt that I am the one that never wants to commit or will end up leaving them first.
In all my previous relationships, I never stayed longer than a few months out of fear for them getting too close. Before my current relationship, the last boy I dated was over four years ago. I got burned pretty badly from that relationship and decided that I wouldn't date anyone for a long time—I wanted to focus on myself and not worry about real feelings. I still had boys that were interested in me and I was interested in them, but I never wanted to go further into the "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" stage.
I just never wanted to waste time on something that I knew I would only end up feeling hurt later on.
Another contributing factor to why I struggle so much to commit is from my parents' divorce. I grew up with bouncing from house to house and having to adopt a different personality each time. I never felt like I was really myself at one house, always being pulled in different directions from each parents' expectations.
I watched my dad date woman after woman, and as a young girl that was hard to watch after knowing that he was with my mom not even a year or two before. Luckily, I had my mom to set a better example since she found her current husband early on after the divorce and has been with him ever since.
But after that, I had a hard time wanting to actually put time and effort into something because I thought that it was all going to end badly anyway. So I kept on going with my mindset of non-commitment.
Then I met my boyfriend. I know how cliché this must sound, but he was different from the other guys that I had previously been involved with. There was something about him that I couldn't quite pinpoint, but I was drawn to him in a way that I hadn't experienced before.
As we started talking more and more, I realized how much I wanted to date him—how much I wanted the label of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." And I remember how utterly surprised I was to feel this way. It took us a long time to get to the official stage, but it's been one of the best things to ever happen to me. He has taught me how to love someone completely and openly and how to trust a significant other. I still have those commitment fears in my mind, but with time, they are slowly fading away thanks to him.
So to those of you who have those fears of commitment, just know that those fears can slowly go away. It will be scary and feel like they will never disappear, but it WILL get better. Have faith in time.
