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Being A Decent Human, According To Your Dog

A guide to living with two legs.

Erin FitzGerald

Aug 30, 2016

Lafayette College

Being A Decent Human, According To Your Dog

To my beloved owner,

These days humans are always in a rush to do weird human things. I have noticed that you smell a little stressed out, and I just wanted to tell you to calm down. You are amazing human, and you do not have to worry about me peeing in the house or anything mean because I love you so. But, just in case you want a little extra help, here are some tips from me, your dog, on how to be a good human.

1. Stop watching the colorful box and go outside (Take me with you)

I do not understand your fascination with that box -- it does not even have food in it! Go outside and smell the trees, roll in the dirt, whatever makes you feel good. Just get moving.

2. Feed me treats!

It is the easiest way to get anyone to do anything

3. Play more fetch with your friends when they are sad.

Companionship is important, so whenever you have not seen a friend in a while, bring over a ball and offer to play with them, I am sure it will make your day.

4. Give me treats

Please?

5. A wagging tail is more attractive than a droopy one

In my personal experience, more dogs sniff my butt when my tail is wagging because I seem more approachable. So, smile and be friendly, and you will receive friendliness in return.

6. I was serious about the treats

7. Stop and smell the flowers (and the fire hydrant, and the grass, and that bush...)

You people always seem so busy, and sometimes you walk right by something amazing without stopping to enjoy it. For the love of bacon, please take a moment to smell the air, roll in the grass, and savor the world around you.

8. You would be the best human ever if you gave me a treat

9. Do not judge a dog by its fur (even if it is weird and bushy)

As I am sure you have probably figured out, dogs all look very different. Whether we have a curly tail, a long one, a stumpy one, or a fluffy one, all tails wag the same, and every dog should be loved the same.

10. Love yourself as much as I love you, because you are kinda awesome

You. Are. Amazing. As a dog, I see you as my best friend and I love you unconditionally. You should realize how wonderful you are and spread that love to the world.

11. TREAT! YESSS! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, YOU ROCK DON'T CHANGE

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Being A Decent Human, According To Your Dog

A guide to living with two legs.

1. Stop watching the colorful box and go outside (Take me with you)

2. Feed me treats!

3. Play more fetch with your friends when they are sad.

4. Give me treats

5. A wagging tail is more attractive than a droopy one

6. I was serious about the treats

7. Stop and smell the flowers (and the fire hydrant, and the grass, and that bush...)

8. You would be the best human ever if you gave me a treat

9. Do not judge a dog by its fur (even if it is weird and bushy)

10. Love yourself as much as I love you, because you are kinda awesome

11. TREAT! YESSS! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, YOU ROCK DON'T CHANGE

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10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

Money

Socks

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