So for most of my life , especially in the early years people would call me shy. When I was around certain people or in certain situations I was very quiet and reserved. As I have grown older, I just really like to think I am a chill and laid back person. I am pretty easy going in most respects and that is how I like to keep things and the people around me. Sometimes though I get tired of the same old routine day after day. I get tired of being at home on my laptop and on my phone by myself. I want to get out and do things. But then when I get out and do things I am waiting for the moment I can get back home and sit on my bed and get right back on my laptop and my phone. What is that about? I do not understand it and I am still trying to figure it out.

I was not and am not my mother's only child. But with your older brother being 16 years older than you, it was hard to relate. When he no longer lived in my mom's house I felt like the only child. I had to entertain myself unless someone came over or I went to them. And even then sometimes I found myself sitting in a corner, not saying much, on my phone, on a computer and in my own world. I was almost pulling myself away from what was going on around me. I do not know if I want to call this a defense mechanism or if that is just truly who I am. Still a mystery.

Right now as I am writing this article I find myself thinking and having a moment. Im 23 years old. I work two jobs. There are times when I have off days or after work will hang out and do things. But I still feel like I missing something. I still left out of so much that is going. I do not feel like I am doing enough with myself. This is where the problem most likely comes in for me. I spend so much time over thinking things and creating scenarios in my head that ultimately put me in a bad mood. I just think I put so much time into worrying about many different things. I put so much pressure on myself for things not happening as quickly as I want them to or how I want them to. I am not enjoying my life as much I should. I am becoming what I was as a little girl. That shy introvert. I am not showing my complete bubbly personality that I have. I am not showing my true self. It is going to be a struggle figuring out a way to show the two different facets of who I am as a person.

"Quiet people have the loudest minds"

xoxo