"She's pretty for a dark skin girl," I remember offering this phrase thoughtlessly as a compliment. It would take years before I realized this backhanded compliment revealed much more about me and my community than the beauty of the girls I judged.

For many black children an introduction to colorism (i.e., prejudice or discrimination against individuals with darker skin tones, typically among people of the same racial or ethnic group) comes pretty early in their childhood. Being the darkest of your siblings or friends brings constant reminders and comparisons of beauty. Often, for darker skin girls being the last place is automatic.

In the Black community, this hierarchy of beauty has one rule: the lighter, the prettier. As the black community continues to internalize generations of racism and Euro-centric beauty standards black beauty is abandoned by its own people. A lack of representation in media and other large-scale platforms sends a clear message to black girls that they are not beautiful in general or not as beautiful as their white counterparts. And objections to this damaging sentiment is often overlooked.

The scrutiny starts and ends with the shade of their skin. How often have you ever thought, "Oh, she's pretty to be a light skin girl?" The answer is most likely never because the same harsh judgment is never applied to those with light complexions.

But we don't seem to think about this when we turn Black into an insult, and automatic loss by default. These are the scars that many black people inflict and carry. When the world denies and ignores our beauty we should be able to expect the opposite from the community we belong to. Beautiful in spite of the very thing that covers your entire outer being is not a compliment.

So, for the black girl or boy who was taught that black is synonymous with ugly or less than, I'm writing this for you. I'm apologizing for thinking you're pretty despite being black and not because of it.

I'm writing to heal my own wounds, and purge generations of internalized Euro-centric ridiculousness that I project on the African American community I inhabit. I'm writing because there is a richness to our skin in its depth and sheen that belongs solely to us, and it's this boundless beauty that I promise to celebrate in my life and writing.