In my 20 years of life, being labeled as “black” has been nothing less than an great and tumultuous label for me, and since the Obama presidency on 2008, race relations have been a very taboo subject universally. I’m always left in a very odd place. I identify as black, went to predominantly black schools from K-12 and now go to college at a predominantly white institution (79% white to be exact). I’ve had many encounters with people of many races, and I find myself in a very hard place and mute when it comes to race relations for a couple of reasons.

1. The Internet is just... bad.

I cannot log into my twitter account without seeing some racially charged language, and most of the time they are black vs. white issues. That’s problematic because it paints the world in a black-white race binary and because it’s just downright not necessary most of the time. What will arguing with someone on twitter do for you? Or your cause? I almost can’t identify between troll accounts and people that actually believe in what they’re saying. It’s all so strange, but I usually just log off.

1. Waking up every day with a different race issue

It seems like every situation becomes a race issue. For example, 3 days ago a gorilla was killed because a little boy fell into its trenches at a zoo. I saw at least 10 tweets about how “whites” are protected from the harmless gorilla, and when the internet found out the little boy was black, somehow it was STILL twisted into a race issue. I can almost assure that if the zookeepers wouldn’t have killed the gorilla and the gorilla did cause harm to the boy, it still would’ve been deemed a race issue. Cmon now. It almost seems like people go out of their way to be offended.

1. Getting stereotyped from other black people

If I don’t fit the cliche, stereotypical “black people” things, I’m always getting side-eyes from other black people. That’s a problematic thing within itself. I was raised to believe that stereotypes are oversimplified images, not universal truths. I’ve been told I “talk white” because I use semi-proper English, am “whitewashed” or “hotep” because of my strong opinions on controversial issues that don’t always side with “black opinion”, and “ashamed” because I go to a “white” school. My school gave me a full ride scholarship and in my eyes was the best fit for me after visiting. Am I not “black” enough? Do you even know what hotep means?

1. Getting stereotyped from other races

Yes, I still get hit with a stereotype from people of other races. No, I am not exempt from those things. I can’t speak for everyone but most of the encounters with stereotypes that I’ve gotten from other races are pure ignorance. Sometimes they just simply don’t know. I try not to hate other races because overgeneralizations are the reason for the race relation problems we have today.

1. Being proud

Out of all of the bad things, some are good. I love seeing black success stories, black excellence, learning about the many things dealing with black culture, and meeting so many inspiring black people. My favorite is seeing black unity, whether that be relationships, protests, businesses, anything. It really makes me proud of who I am.

All in all, I will never turn on where I come from or my roots, but what it means to be black is something very convoluted, great but strange all at the same time. I wish it could be better, and I will try to make it better by veering away from the stereotypes, hurtful internet things, and turning offensive moments into learning experiences. Will you?