“I am not a toy you can play with when you're bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me." -Olivia Pope
There's a reason why I'm not dating right now, and this is a huge reason behind it. It also has to do with me being an independent person, but that's a whole other story.
Finding romance seems impossible nowadays, especially since we live in a culture that is so caught up on swiping left or right based on looks alone, Netflix and Chill (which is not at all chilling with one another and watching Netflix), or going to the bar just to find someone to go home with so you're not lonely. I got curious one day and unashamedly created a Tinder. I mean come on, if April Kepner from Grey's Anatomy got one then I might as well try it out. It has actually given me some pretty good friends, but it was nothing more then guys smooth talking for my attention. Sure I went on a few dates, and they actually went pretty well, but a connection or spark was never really there. I got bored with it so I deleted the app. We also justify liking someone by liking their pictures/status updates on social media. Since when is pushing the “Like" button a sign of affection towards another?
Do men have this fantasy that if they aren't hooking up with multiple girls before settling down then they're doing something wrong? Do men really want to be the 30-year-old bachelor? At this rate, they're going to be raising children into their 50s (But that's none of my business). Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I know I don't want to be 50 and still taking care of a teenager or college student. I want my kids to be independent of my husband and I by then and starting their own lives. I just can't understand what is so satisfying about having multiple girls at your beck and call, rather than devoting your time to one person and finding the joy that they can bring into your life.
And whatever happened to being just friends first? You can like someone and be friends, not friends with benefits, but just friends. Getting to know them with coffee or lunch dates. Go for long drives together and discover likes and dislikes, or even sitting in the parking lot and listening to their favorite type of music. Find common interests like fishing (come on I'm from Texas), going for walks, going to the local market and cooking dinner for each other, go to a baseball game, kick back next to a bonfire and just getting to know each other. Hang out with your friends and their friends together. Trust me, the people he hangs out with says a lot about him. Go to church together and find that when you put God first, He will put everything together.
Relationships require work; so don't get into one unless you are willing to put in the effort. There's so much that goes into a relationship that needs to be clarified. Do you trust one another, do you make each other a better person, showing love and appreciation actually goes a long way, and time-not just yours but mine. You're asking for my time, and time is one of the most valuable things that I have. Show that I'm not wasting my time being with you, talking to you, and thinking about you.
I want a guy that will look at me when I'm not looking. That holds my hand then pulls it toward him and kisses the back of it. A man that isn't afraid to tell me when something is bothering him or he when had a bad day. Compliments me even when I have no makeup on. Kisses me on the cheek or forehead just because. I want a man who says “I love you" and means it.
In the end we are looking for love. Humans by nature a social creature and crave companionship. We love because God loves, and we want someone to love for the rest of our lives. We don't want a fairy tale type of love, because those don't exist, but rather one that we don't see coming. A love that explains why it never worked out with anyone else. A love that just makes sense, where we can never see our selves living without them. A love that reflects Christ's love for us and for His church.
