If you've been keeping up with my previous articles, you've probably noticed the decline in optimism along the way. It seems as though I just keep writing about how sad I am, and that's because I have been. Writing is really a great coping mechanism for me and I am super thankful to be able to project my feelings on a platform that is executed throughout the world. The amount of people who have contacted me saying that my writing has influenced them in any way, shape or form is extraordinary and it's the little things like that that have made my days a little less dark. I write what I feel the strongest about each week, and week after week my sad words flow out before my happy words do. I would apologize, but I can't feel sorry for being honest.
This week I did something that I haven't done in a while. It is no lie that sometimes you need 'me' time (definition of me time varies among the individual), and I have not dedicated any time to 'me' time in a while. Even though I've been living alone for almost 2 weeks, I haven't done something that made me feel refreshed. So after work earlier this week, I made a spontaneous excursion to school and found myself alone in a rehearsal studio for nearly 5 hours. In my school, this is usually a rarity during the school year, but because we're on break, I was able to find an empty studio. I didn't really have much of an itinerary walking in, but I found my way. It sounds really peculiar, but I just sat on a rehearsal block and breathed. I really just took everything in. And then I stood up and I worked on learning new material for the upcoming audition season, and for the first time in a long time, I felt as though I was bettering myself. They say that in the theater industry, everything you do is an audition- and they're right. Every move you make is being judged by everyone around you and it's a scary thing. But in this moment, I wasn't auditioning. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I didn't feel judged. I was just living. I was doing something for myself for once, and it felt great. I took my time and I really just worked. Part of it probably felt great because I have been so unproductive since last semester ended, but I know the reason why it impacted me so much was because it was a breath of fresh air. To better yourself as an artist is to better yourself as a person. I finally did something that made me feel good, even if it was just sitting in a room with 4 black blocks and a couple of folding chairs.
When people are melancholy in any way, the immediate response from another person is "do something that makes you happy." Some people hate the term because it doesn't cure anything. And they're right, it really doesn't. Watching one episode of Grey's Anatomy isn't going to fix my plethora of issues. However, this week I didn't just do something that made me happy, rather I found something that made me feel alive. Whether you're feeling any type of sadness or not, it is so important to discover new things that remind you why you are breathing. So this week I created art. Maybe next week I'll do something even bigger. The possibilities are truly endless, and that's the best part about feeling alive- you really never know what's next.
