Behind closed doors

You never really know what is going on behind closed doors.
Perfect families may really be a mess.
Perfect kids might be the most unhappy.
Perfect students may be drowning in depression.
What is perfection?
Is it hiding your feelings until they break you down?
Is it staying strong until you finally crack?
I think perfection is obsolete.
No one is perfect.
Everyone has flaws, some more obvious than others.
Hiding your problems can be easy at first,
Until they bubble up over the surface and threaten to explode
Then the explosion happens and you sit there wondering what happened.
What happened to your perfect life?
How did you get this way?
How did your family get this way?
Why is this happening?
The worst part is you are scared to tell anyone because you think they might have it worse.
Worse than what though?
Everyone has a different pain tolerance.
Everyone experiences things differently.
Everyone reacts to explosions in different ways.
But what if you don't even know HOW to feel?
What if you constantly numb your feelings,
Whether it's with alcohol, food, or pain
You have pushed down the hurt and the fear for so long that you don't know how to talk about it out loud,
It's just way too scary
The words won't come
Your thoughts are convoluted and twisted
You don't know what to say or how to say it
So you suffer in silence
You wait until the feeling passes
And that's the worst part.
Just sitting with this awful feeling until you fall asleep or finally fall apart
You've crushed your feelings for too long
Alcohol won't help
Pain won't make it better
Fear will only hold you back
But what if pain and fear are all you've got?