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A Beginners Guide To The "Late Night Text" As Shown By College Boys

Rachel Brenner

Nov 28, 2016

Pennsylvania State University

10942

A Beginners Guide To The "Late Night Text" As Shown By College Boys

The "Late Night Text" is a complex, yet extremely "romantic" method of communication for your typical college boys.

Urban Dictionary defines the term as "When a male in need of testosterone release contacts a girl via text or phone call after midnight for a casual yet erotic hookup," with the example "I'm tryna latenight Melina, but she ain't budgin'". If you're a girl reading this article, we've all been Melina at one point in our lives.

The "late night text" has affected us all. We've all received one... whether it be a classic "wya?" text, a barely English, drunk attempt of texting or a terrible pickup line at 3 a.m., boys are getting quite creative with these texts nowadays.

A few of my friends have graciously given me some of their most bizarre examples of this epidemic. After hours of sorting through tons of laughable screenshots, here are the late night texts that describe it best:

Well, this is how its done boys. The guy who invites you over shortly after he sends a pledge to come get his clothes back from your room. That's romance if I've ever seen it.

Oh, you're probably so lonely after your dog died. It seems like you two were so close!

The guy who uses the election to get you to come over. Nicholas Sparks, I sense a new romance novel inspired by this one.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, it does. You, my friend, really know how to smooth talk a girl.

We all love a guy that refers to women as meat. Or sex as "boning" for that matter. How long could the line really be?

Dear whoever wrote this sad, unfortunate message... I think any girl can confidently say they would literally rather buy the entire Chipotle franchise than have sex with you after that response.

Well, at least this guy is honest. Maybe that was his strategy?

Well this guy took a creative spin on things... A for Effort! Dear Anonymous Boy who wrote this message, definitely consider changing your major to Art.

The guy who you thought just had a really good taste in music...

It seems like we have the next Einstein on our hands! If anyone is ever squished in the car for 2 hours and needs water, text this guy. He knows exactly what you need.

Oh, and the winner of the worst guy of them all goes to... this guy.

Through all the jokes and humor of these messages, I do have an obligation to comment on the sad truth of this last one. Do not let a boy, or anyone for that matter, ever tell you what to do with your body.

Some of these messages, however, belong in a hall of fame. Thank you to these boys for the entertainment, you have shown us all the true meaning of the "late night" text.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Beginners Guide To The "Late Night Text" As Shown By College Boys

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Actually, Kylie Jenner, 2018 is the year of realizing things.

Waking Up Early in College is So Much Harder

You Have to Get Used to Walking Everywhere

Fuzzy Socks are the Cure to All Problems

Take Every Opportunity to Get Free Food

It's Okay to Gain the "Freshman Fifteen"

Invest in Vitamins and Supplements

Making Time to Clean is Essential

Drinking Water is Actually Important

Cs get degrees!

1. Me after every class

2. If you really care about your grades

3. When you get a new homework assignment

4. When people ask what you're going to do after college

5. When you see people who don't study and get good grades

6. We're all broke here

7. FREE FOOD IS FREE FOOD!

8. When it seems like everyone in class is smart - EXCEPT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR GROUP PROJECT!!

Other than knowledge and all those important things

How to take stairs.

Caffeine is your friend.

How to study.

Finding free food.

How to take a nap anywhere.

How to appreciate sleep.

How to procrastinate productively.

Surprise: This is not on the syllabus

1. As a freshman, one does get to be called “freshman” by upperclassmen when they walk to parties in a mob of people.

2. Some of the best stories happen after 2 a.m.

3. Upperclassmen live for meal swipes from freshman because they are poor and need free food.

4. People are struggling just as much as you are so you're not alone.

5. You will never take privacy or personal space for granted ever again.

6. You are not the only one who has slept on the community bathroom floor after a night out.

7. Skipping class for Netflix is a valid excuse.

8. It’s totally acceptable to bring a pot of coffee, a sleeping bag and a pillow to the library.

9. Having class with a friend is the best because you can trade off days on who goes to class.

10. When you are a senior, you take the easiest classes to boost your GPA.

11. How to pull an all-nighter.

12. How to handle drunk people.

13. The drunk you does not look out for sober you about 90 percent of the time.

14. How to deal with a hangover.

15. How to interact with people very different from you.

16. The perfect amount to procrastinate on every assignment.

17. How to pass a class without paying for the textbook that was "required."

18. How to calculate your grades to see what you need on every test in order to maintain a passing grade.

19. How to hook-up with someone without getting emotions involved (but we all know that doesn’t happen).

20. How to handle your roommate when you want to strangle them.

21. That you miss your parent’s every day.

22. How to get into a bar when you aren’t 21.

23. How to BS on assignments, out loud and on your resume.

24. That theme parties are the greatest.

25. How to find free events that have free food.

26. That when there are puppies on campus it will be the greatest day of your life.

27. Alarms are necessary and you must set like seven of them in order to wake up in time for class.

28. Greek parties are exactly how they are in movies.

29. Care packages are treated like Christmas presents.

30. The friends you meet in college will become your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

31. That printers only break when you need them the most.

32. Cereal, ramen noodles, Easy Mac and microwavable pancakes can be used for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

33. That classes before 8 a.m. should be illegal.

34. Changing your major is OK.

Don't let the thesaurus-inspired vocabularies in our résumés fool you. We're actually just big kids.

"You should know exactly what career is right for your future by the time you're 18."

"Save all your money."

"Get plenty of sleep and adjust to a regular sleep schedule."

"Make sure to eat healthy, balanced meals. Don't forget those fruits and vegetables."

"Surround yourself with good, moral people."

"Don't do anything stupid."

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