Ah, cuffing season. No, you alcoholics, it does not mean cuffs and fifths. It's around this time of the year when the weather starts getting colder and people start getting more desperate. For any of you who are not aware, cuffing season occurs around the holidays and is the time of the year when most people get into relationships. So, if you finding yourself longing for a two-month companion, here's an easy guide on how to "cuff" someone.
1. Draft a list of desired qualities in a potential cuddle buddy.
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Pro tip: make sure you have your roommates, best friends, sisters and or other trusted female peers to read this list to make sure you are keeping your expectations at a reasonable level.
2. Go to a place you frequent and scout out potential targets/candidates.
"This person has pretty eyes, but they're not tall enough."
"They have a nice smile, but they have crooked teeth."
"Ah screw it, they'll do."
3. Once you have decided on your candidate, it is time to act.
For you guys out there, no it is not acceptable to catcall a girl and then be confused when she does not take it as a compliment. The same goes for you, ladies. Don't think you can get away with the double standards on this one. A simple, "Hello. I think you look very nice today," can be enough to get the ball rolling.
4. Find things you have in common for date ideas.
"You like dogs too? Let's go get one together right now!"
"You like Victorian style architecture too? There's house down the street from here that we can buy!
5. If steps one through four don't work, grab an actual pair of handcuffs and handcuff yourself.
Find yourself not finding anyone to cuff? Do not fret! Stop looking so hard and enjoy being single. It's fun, I swear. You're an awesome, independent person and you will find someone when the time is right.
