College… what an experience! From the highs of receiving radiant GPA’s to the lows of surviving all-nighters only having to do it all over again the next day. College life is a truly a life altering experience that never leaves even after you leave college.

I learned so much about myself while being in college more than any other part in my life. Those very experiences help me in my every day decisions. It is absolutely crazy to me that I have been in college for almost eight years now. Yup… you read that right… eight years! I started my “college career” when I was eighteen years old. I went to community college because an advisor from the university I wanted to attend, St. Mary’s College of Maryland, told me it would be better for me to understand how college works since I was a homeschooled student and was not able to experience any college level classes like my friends were taking. Reluctantly, I agreed and I chose to attend College of Southern Maryland, aka, Good Ole CSM.

After applying and receiving my acceptance letter, I can remember how excited I was to sign up for my classes, get my textbooks, and be in a new environment. However, at the same time, I was nervous. Extremely nervous. Here I was, in a new place, around people that I did not know, and my life was literally changing as I walked through the doors to take my placement tests, sign up for classes, and get my textbooks all in one day. Whew! I was emotionally, mentally, financially exhausted, AND terrified. I was not sure what was going to happen and I had no idea in what shape nor form my life was going to change. I made it my mission to keep my head down in the books and never look up; I did not want to be noticed.

I went into college with an idea and perception of myself that I was not quite good enough. I felt like I would barely make it by, no matter how hard I tried, and that I would continue to be the same ole me no matter how much my environment changed. When I stepped onto the campus, I literally went straight to classes and then went straight home. I did not talk to anyone, make conversation with anyone, nor even try to ask my professor anything.

I was absolutely determined to be invisible, only allowing myself to shine when I was ready.

But, what I did not understand or even see was that becoming the person that I loved was half the work; being in a new environment around new people that recognized my talents, abilities, and skills was a part of that too. There was no hiding from that. I could hide myself and keep my head low all I wanted, but it was not going to stop people from recognizing the light that I had before I had seen if for myself.

This process took time… I made a few friends here and there; made sure I stuck to them like glue. I began to have more conversations with my professors and being relieved that they did not see me being another snotty teenager asking ANOTHER stupid question. Nope, I was none of those things and being at college forced me out of those preconceived notions that I had about myself. College destroyed all of my insecurities about myself that I did not have an excuse to make anymore as to why I was afraid to do something.

As I grew at CSM, I became more confident. I participated in clubs more. I finally felt that I existed in my own eyes and that my worth was no longer planted in seedless roots of depression and low self-esteem. I was finally free to be me!

But…

I grew so much that this once big pond became a puddle and I could no longer find myself able to breathe like I once could. I knew the ends and outs of every operation, nearly every professor, and every event. I participated and was a part of so many clubs that a lot of my family thought I had a full time job on campus. I knew that it was time for me leave, but I did not know where to go. I was unsure about attending St. Mary’s College of Maryland, although at one point that was my dream school. I had been exposed to so much that my idea of a “dream school” changed too. I was not sure what to do or where to go, but whatever the plan, I had to do it soon because I could no longer move around at CSM; there was no more room for growth.

So, after some research and prayer, I chose to apply to Notre Dame of Maryland University. They offered the space for me to grow and really become myself. I saw and felt in my heart that NDMU offered amazing opportunities where I would be able to talk with my professors face to face and be encouraged to talk to diplomats, researchers, and other dignitaries with a high quality educational background to keep up with the conversations among these established women and men.

I realized that at Notre Dame I would realize my worth as a woman. That as a woman, my voice would not be dumbed down or mimicked because of the different values that I brought to the table. I knew I would be encouraged to speak loud, far, and wide without being afraid of the shakers that would come my way. This is exactly what I craved for; this is exactly what I needed.

So, upon my arrival to Notre Dame in the Spring 2015 semester, I was excited and very, very scared. The first night that I spent in Meletia dorms, I cried for three hours straight on the phone with my mom. This was such a HUGE move for me! Here I am… a small town young woman that moved from her small town community college to this HUGE city on a different campus with different people. I was absolutely terrified! I kept telling my mom that I wanted to come home and that I made a huge and terrible mistake.

But, honestly, I don’t think it was those very things is what scared me the most. I think it was that I knew I was a small fish in a huge pond, again. I had a lot of places to swim but I had no direction where to go first. It put me right back in the same place I was when I first entered CSM: Keep my head down and do not make yourself noticeable.

Well, let me tell you something… That is EXTREMELY hard to do at Notre Dame. The new people are easily recognized and people at Notre Dame are friendly enough for you not to sit alone. There was no way that my method of keeping my head down was going to work here. But after a few days when I settled into my new place, I knew, without doubt, that I belonged here. I knew I was going to thrive and grow here.

And I did…

I cannot express how much my confidence has exponentially has grown! Not just in myself, but in others. I have learned about community on deeper levels that I could have ever imagined. Through the strength of my professors and peers, I have seen and thought about things that I know I would not have been able to at any other place. I have found my self-worth and my value here. The many women and men that I have encountered lit a path for me to be comfortable enough to allow my voice to be heard. It is because of them, that I am writing this for you to read.

I have only three more semesters left, and as I try to hold back the tears while typing this, I know that in a short while, my journey here at Notre Dame will end while my Post-Grad education begins. Although it will be tearful goodbye when that time comes, I have peace in knowing that what I did and will do here has changed my life forever. I have been changed forever and I love it. And because of that, I promise that this little fish here will keep on swimming.