Looking through my drafts for inspiration of a new piece, I came across this letter that I had written, but never posted. I look back at it now, only a few weeks later to be struck with confusion. You made me feel like a different person, but now I see that that wasn't a good thing at all. You ignored me half the time, and I held onto words that were tainted by substances.
Well here's a look into the mind of a love-struck teen.
To You,
Oh there is so much that I wish I could tell you, but alas, when I am with you and when I talk to you, there are no words. Around you I can't help, but to look into your eyes and just be thankful that you're there. It's weird, what you spare in me is a feeling that I have not had for quite some time, because of the fear that comes with it. Everyday I fear that I am not what you expect or that it is not me fully as a person that you want, but rather just my body or the physical things. But yet, I still go for it full force.
It's crazy what you do to me. When I'm with you, I'm a new person. You change me and sometimes it can be overwhelming but all in all, it makes me feel better. I have never had confidence, and probably never truly will but when I'm with you, my imperfections seem to be OK and you overlook what may not be perfect. To be honest, I rarely ever feel beautiful, hot, or "sexy," yet with you, I can feel these things even if for sometimes it's only for a minute. You make me feel like someone that I strive to be because you see me as that person.
When I think about you, I realize that I probably don't know you to the full extent that I probably should when I feel like this and that I know I'll probably end up hurt, but I can't help it. I've told myself time and time again that I shouldn't like you and that you're no good for me, but no matter what happens I can't get you out of my mind. No matter how hard I try you always come back as a thought in my mind.
You my friend are quite the character and it scares me how much you come into my mind. It scares me that when I am awake at all hours of the nights you are the person that constantly comes through my mind. It scares me that I barely know who you are. It scares me that you make me feel like a child who is crushing on the latest celebrity. It scares me that when I really think about it, we are probably complete opposite people. It scares me that you are so different. It scares me that I feel this way about you but I can't help but also enjoy and live for the thrill that it has given me these past couple of weeks.
Now it's time to make a reference that you probably don't understand which is a gossip girl reference (sorry I'm on a binge watch and I can't help it).
Chuck: "How do you think I feel?! I haven't slept. I feel sick like there's something in my stomach....fluttering."
Blair: "...butterflies?"
So yeah, you do crazy things to me, but I don't think that I would have it any other way at this point.
Sincerely,
Someone who normally feels like just another girl
