BEEP BEEP…WHAT THE?!?!?!?

How many people each day end up in traffic? I am going to guess quite a few because they are all in my way it seems. So, with all the traffic going to and from whatever points they seek; are there some general rules of etiquette that we should follow?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!

I drive in and out of Boston multiple times per day and I will say that in only one trip I can’t even explain how many times I might be left scratching my head in wonder at the absolute futility of the efforts that some obviously late Oscar the Grouch driver exhibits.

Without further ado, let’s discuss this, shall we?!?!

• The fact that we are sitting with a look of boredom amongst a pile of smoking noisy machines does not mean we need to be entertained by the jerky ungraceful dance of one who aggressively changes from lane to lane in the dance of the dying business deal.
  • The dancer also causes issues in other ways.
    • Your dance causes others to not leave space because they are getting dizzy from your incessant lane changes.
    • By annoying others, who are having to constantly slam on their brakes, you risk an accident that will surely inhibit your attempts to make that oh so important meeting you just couldn’t GET UP 5 MINUTES EARLIER FOR!!
• The merge troll. Racing up to cut off the driver inches before you crash into the jersey barrier of a lane reduction only CAUSES the issues that make the traffic.
  • By forcing the driver to slam on their brakes (see above) but more so you have just caused the next fifteen cars in the traffic jam to slam on theirs…alas, we have the dreaded stop and go kind of traffic; and YES, you are the cause!
• High Occupancy Vehicle Lanes or HOV is for those with MORE THAN ONE person in the car. Either carpool or…Oh here is an idea...GET UP 5 MINUTES EARLIER!
• The cigarette flicker outer… This should be an OBVIOUS no, no; but there are some that haphazardly toss out the lit butt right onto the hood of the car behind. Being showered in a display of sparks that rivals the fourth of July might be slightly distracting for some.
• The left lane hog; let's just say it to ourselves… "the right lane has a nice view too," and then give it a try.
  • Hints you are being one of these include the driver behind you flashing lights, driving so close you can't see their headlights. No, they are NOT just trying to read your bumper sticker.
• The hesitator, this person can't decide what lane they want. they will begin a lane change and then hover between the two lanes for a quarter of a mile. Just go already.
• The tractor-trailer car; or at least that is what the driver thinks it is when they go to make a turn. They need a sign on the back so you don't try to pass saying, "Vehicle makes wide turns."
• Off the line jumper. You're sitting at a red light side by side and this driver must beat you off the line like it's the quarter mile at New England Dragway, and then proceeds to dawdle along at about three MPH below the speed limit.
• The rubbernecker. The police have just pulled over the Mach 5 guy and you have to go ten miles under to check out the action. This is not ok, you're causing a pileup of traffic behind you. Let the poor meeting misser get his ticket in peace.
  
  • Accidents are almost a morbid fascination of the rubbernecker who simply can’t resist the chance to look at another’s carnage… It was likely the lane dancer from above and no one wants to see that.
• My all-time least favorite person…The left lane speed Nazi; let me just say this… if you are not passing, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! The police need a way to make money and keeping excessive speeds down is their job NOT YOURS! If I want to drive Mach 5 with my hair on fire; let me, it will inevitably keep the police from harassing you!

Overall, think about others and realize we are all going in the same direction. Stop being “THAT” guy and have a little consideration. Then we might find that traffic is a little easier to navigate, (albeit a little less entertaining). Leaving the opportunity to discuss next time more driving faux pas like... the bored TEXTER, Youtuber, Facebooker, makeup doer, burger eater, (I did say burger, not booger but that works too).