Throughout my life, I have never been the type of person to just "blend in". I have never though that becoming part of a crowd would be better than just being my 100% true self. I have however, dreamt wildly of no longer living in my own skin. I'm a walking contradiction I know, I never wanted to fit in, but at times I no longer wanted to be myself.
Growing Up:
Growing up in my skin was anything but ordinary. The most normal part of my life was that my biological parents split up. But the divorce took four years and both of my parents had moved on and started living with other people by the time it was finally finalized. I was put into court mandated therapy and was not legally allowed to go to private school. I went from two sometimes parents to four "parent" figures in the blink of an eye and went from being an only child who lived with pets to having two older brothers and no pets. When I was seven my mother got pregnant with my younger sister and had to have a c-section due to the plethora of complications from my birth even though my sisters was a breeze. Normal was never a word outsiders used to describe my family, and it honestly never described me.
Being a Statistic:
I developed depression at the age of four and anorexia at the age of eight. Neither really ever go away, living and eating are two "normal" things that I can never do without fighting myself to accomplish them. I've made more plans or attempts to end my life than years I have been alive and I just constantly need to sleep. I have been physically, mentally and emotionally abused and bullied more times than I can count and have been sexually assaulted on eight occasions. Somehow I'm still alive and because of such I will never stop fighting to help create a better tomorrow for those around and after me.
At a University:
My major is a relatively small one and because of such it is not uncommon for classes to not be offered or for upperclassmen to have to stay an extra semester to a year. They have a tendency to just give up and if I had, I would've been dead a long time ago. Do I constantly get yelled at by those I surround myself with because I would gladly give those in need the shirt off my back or my last twenty dollars? Yes. But it is only partly due to the fact that I don't really think of myself, I just don't want others to suffer as I had if I can help it. At school I have been pushing for classes and pushing for equality and for changes to our school's title ix policy and I have yet to take no for an answer. Life gets hard soemtimes, but giving up has never been my style. Making me: the poster child for never giving up and the go to for interviews about the uncomfortable. I have never been normal or comfortable so I have always been weird and home in the uncomfortable and that has never slowed me down yet.
I realize that I have been using my own personal accounts and saying I throughout this article, but I can only attest to my own experience. But I've been learning that these instances are a lot more common than most people will believe. If you relate to any or none of this, stay strong. Never give up and lift up those around you. My story is not all stories, but all stories allow for a greater connection when you share them. So share yours and help inspire and empower people tomorrow. Stay strong my loves and never give up.
