Ah, finals.
(Ominous music, please.)
The most awaited, most dreaded, and most influential week of the semester. The time when we all bond together in our mutual agony and exhaustion, and find ourselves chugging caffeinated beverages in far more numerous quantities than we would normally. And somehow, with however many terms we need to memorize or pages we need to write, we root around for anything to do to that isn't what we need to do. As someone who is incredibly proficient at doing useless things, I am your guide.
1. Watch Naruto.
Now there are some 200+ episodes in the original series, plus the 400+ episodes in Naruto Shippuden and a bunch of movies and specials, and according to some truly upstanding citizen on the internet, it would take some 12 days straight to watch all that currently exists of Naruto. So why not go ahead and get started? Everyone loves ninjas, Sexy Jutsus, Kakashi, and The Run. (Another thing you could do to procrastinate: just do The Run around campus.) And hey, if you don't do well on your finals (because you were watching Naruto), you can just clench your fist and blame Sasuke.
2. Read through all of NOT A WOLF's tweets.
"AH YES I HAVE ALL THE MIDDLE AGED HUMAN HEALTH PROBLEMS
TENNIS ELBOW
BUSINESS SHOULDER
THE KINGS SORENESS
BLOOD TEETH
ALSO DEPRESSION"
-NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES
3. Rewatch all of BigBang's music videos.
One of the most popular and well known Korean groups has finally returned this December to entertain and unsettle once more. If you have never heard or seen them, I would highly recommend taking a gander if you want to feel like you're a disturbed individual for enjoying their music videos. Otherwise, in preparation for their new album and music videos, you should rewatch all of their work from the past ten years and see how they've evolved. You'll relive the same questions you had the first time you watched, like, "What in God's name is going on?" And: "Is G-Dragon okay?" And most importantly: "Why can't they let Taeyang have a normal hairstyle for once?"
Frankly, the most efficient way to not get anything done is to let those tiny, niggling thoughts become big, cavernous thoughts. I recommend lying on a floor, and it doesn't matter how comfortable or clean it is, because once you enter the void, I guarantee you're not going to get up for another six hours. Think of what your purpose is, or imagine how you see colors differently from everyone else, or maybe ponder why human beings must be sentient of the futility of existence, or perhaps whether you're ever actually going to be happy and not just filling your life with activities and work to blot out existential depression. Once you've descended into the darkness, your grades won't matter anymore, because nothing matters because we're just a bunch of atoms on a spherical rock hurtling through space and one day everything and everyone will die-
