I wrote this poem to apologize for how I used to treat someone I dearly care about. At the time, I was trying to find my identity in our relationship, but was still convinced that God can redeem. Now, only one of those philosophies has changed for me. I no longer find fulfillment in an earthly relationship, but I love God with all that I am.

To the One I Wish I Could Have Saved

Back in the day,

I was desperately Frightened and lost my way.

Until he came riding in on a noble black steed,

The one I ironically tried to save.

He never promised forever,

And even though his heart was cold,

I could see beauty and fear passed his strong mold.

He called me beauty,

Even when I ate like a beast.

I loved him with my everything.

But now I look back,

And I was the beast,

He thought he needed my saving,

But I could never grant him that gentle release.

God loves him,

And I wanted to tell him that,

But he could not listen to my thunderous roar.

Because in my heart I was defeated,

In my life, I lived so sore.

To the one I could have saved,

I apologize.

I only made it all worse.

Because a beauty who really was a beast,

Told you our fairytale was the only sweet release that would give you peace.

To my night riding a dark steed,

I wish I would have saved you.

I wish I would have given you God’s heart.

But I gave you my own instead.

And now you are broken,

Left to drugs that break your heart and head.

And I am the princess.

Forever a beauty.

But the beast that convinced you that I was your savior.

When in reality,

You deserve only One savior.

To the prince who now knows nothing but hurt,

God loves you more than I ever could,

My love was truly dirt.

Because I was never the beauty

Who was meant to tame your beast.

I am the beast,

Whose heart was tamed by a lamb.

I am the beast,

Who wants now to apologize.

I am sorry that I could not save you, I really am.