It's true, only the good die too young. I have to question why we are put through the death of such young people. In ways, your death highlighted our relationships. Death always does. 'You don’t know what you have until it's gone.' 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder.' All the clichés are true.
Except, this isn't just a cliché or a relationship or a cautionary tale.
This is a life.
Our new lives.
Within my 17 years of life, I have attended more funerals than I ever want to. I find myself in the most pain on the perfect sunny days. Walking around, I'll catch my shadow and yet feel like you should be standing right next to me. And on this beautiful sunny and warm day, I write this. I ponder about life with you still walking this earth, what you would've pursued and accomplished.
Why?
Yet sometimes, at the right time and right date I feel as if I can talk to you. Whether it's as the sun is hitting the right spot or the perfect light breeze in the wind your presence can surround me. Today I have learned to cope and move on from the past, never forgetting the impact you had made on my life. For the time I had the pleasure of knowing you I had never been more proud. You really don't know what you have until it's gone.
And someday friend, we will meet again.
I liked to believe that you are still with us. I don't know exactly where you are, but I know that I'll see you again. I know that you aren't gone. I like to think you are in a better place, somewhere sunny. Somewhere in a never ending amount of kittens to play with, that's the kind of place I hope you are enjoying. Personally I hope the weather is nicer than it is down here. I hope there is an unlimited supply of pizza rolls and Arizona Sweet Tea.
It seems like yesterday that you were so full of life. I could never imagine anything taking away your smile, your laugh, or your ability to fight through life's severe obstacles. You fought hard every single day until your last. You did not live a second where your presence didn't inspire another person. You never let it get the best of you; you fought until your last breath. I can't help but focus on how unfair it is now that you can no longer be here. I often find myself questioning if there's something differently that could have been done. I can't fathom how someone could leave this world at such a young age. It doesn't seem fair to me. But, then I look around at all the lives you touched. I look around at all the people who were impacted by you in such a short amount of time. It may have been a short life, but it was an epic life.
You have my forgiveness now, and many others included, no matter how long it took so many of them to get there. Even if we still don't understand. We should be glad we don't. We want to remember you for who you were, who you are, an incredible person. We yell out our stories to you, because we know you would have wanted to hear them and thrive with us. We don't need to hear the answer to "why" anymore, because it wouldn't make a difference. You will live on through our memories of you extending your kindness to anyone and everyone. And always letting your friends know how much you cared for them. You will never be forgotten.
While we wish more than anything that we could have saved you, we have found peace now. Your death is no longer meaningless; it never was, far from it. It saved our lives, before we knew they needed saving, and we learned a valuable lesson in the midst. We know now that even the most loved of people can be tricked into feeling alone by this world.
I hope that wherever you are, you are reading this. I want you to know how much I miss you, and how much everyone misses you. I want you to know that you touched my life in a way that no one will ever again. Thank you for all the years of inspiration.
I will miss you until we meet again.
