As the holidays quickly approach, cupid seems to strike everyone with his arrow. Whether it be sharing a New Year’s kiss or going on a romantic date for Valentine’s day, everyone wants to share those memories with someone special. This time of year continues to remind us all how important relationships are. Whether they are with a friend or a significant other, everyone seems to be looking for a little extra love. However, this ongoing dating search seems to ensue for many throughout the entire year. People jumping out of one relationship and into another, desiring that romantic fairytale they have always dreamt of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find this weird because, truthfully, I have had my share of relationships and heartbreaks too. I understand that as human beings, we desire to be loved. Yet, I do believe that recently, society’s view of relationships and love has distanced itself far from the truth.
If you have ever had your heart broken, you know how badly it can sting. You have experienced the uncomfortable loneliness and self-doubt that can easily flood your thoughts. And although you will try and indulge in a pint of Ben n' Jerry’s to fix your broken heart, sadly, not always will it work. Somehow today, the idea of being single has not been given the best image. You might be fearing that you will be that old single crazy cat lady for the rest of your life (not that anything is wrong with that). Or you may also be that person who downloads Tinder the second your other partner walks away, in hopes that finding another one will delay or fix the brokenness you feel. With all this said, I think society has done a good job at not paying attention to the true beauty of being single. We tend to always see it in a bad light. But I am writing all of this to tell you that personally, being single and finding out who I am is the best journey I have been on so far in life.
Do not get me wrong, I know even if you are happily single, there are still moments of discouragement and loneliness. At first, It can be uncomfortable and lonely, but the more you get to know yourself, you’ll appreciate everything about yourself; even the flaws. However, the trick to being content with yourself requires a lot of patience, time and grace. Being single means that you are “coming home to yourself,” and although it may sound weird, you are now learning how to love yourself instead of someone else. Because learning to love yourself takes hard work, practice and time, I have seen a lot of people procrastinate this by settling. Instead of putting in the time to find their own self-worth, people try and find it through a partner. This may come as a shock to you, but never will your partner be able to fill this shoe. The only time you will be able to look into the mirror and see a reflection you like, is when you first learn to like it before someone else likes you.
Being single allows you the freedom to find who you truly are before someone else comes into your life. It gives you the chance to figure out what you want, what you don’t want, and what you still need to figure out. You have the time to perfect you. You have the time to do the things you want to do in your life before you are “tied down” by the soulmate that will, believe it or not, eventually come into your life. Taking the time to spend with your family, your friends, and alone will become so enjoyable you may even get caught up in the life that you live without worrying when prince charming will come knocking on your door. Instead of waiting and counting the days until he does, do not forget to “dance in the rain.” Time is precious, enjoy every second you get. Before you know it, you will be rushing your kids to soccer practice, running late on making dinner, and wanting nothing more than some time to yourself. So why not enjoy it now while you have it. We all know how fast time goes by.
And for those who are dating or are married, I congratulate you for finding someone who can make you happy and enjoy doing life with! And if you are in a relationship that lacks that strength and intimacy, maybe it is time to reevaluate. Are you loving this person out of pure love? Or out of loneliness? Though, even if you are happily taken, still make the time to take care of yourself before your partner. You being emotionally and physically healthy will make for a better relationship. Take the time to relax in a warm, bubbly bath or go for a run and listen to your favorite playlists. Do not forget to spend time alone. Doing things that you love to do and cherishing and celebrating your own beauty both inside and out.
One last thing to consider is, relationships here on earth are never certain or promised. You do not know when in time you will be alone. So you better know how to be okay with being alone before you actually are. Never get to a point in life where you live and breathe because of another person. Although selflessness and loyalty are important in any relationship, you were born on this earth as a single human being with no one attached. It is important for you to allow yourself to go back to your own roots. To recognize that you are an individual in need of self-love and care before anybody else. To make sure you have on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else put on theirs. Become your own best friend. Be proud of who you are, and always be thankful for the time you have alone. Because it is sacred and truly beautiful.
