I can remember the nervousness I felt as my family's cherry red Ford Flex climbed up the driveway to Saint Anselm College. My stomach flip-flopped, and I wanted nothing more than for us to turn around and go home. I knew that once I stepped onto campus, I would be handed a significant amount of responsibility and freedom I had not had before, and it terrified me. During Orientation, I cried at least 12 times, sitting alone in my dorm room wondering what had possessed me to believe that going to college was a good idea. I decided to move to an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people. It was foolish.
Flash forward nine months, and I am sitting in my dorm room, my bags all packed and boxes lining every inch of the small area. I am crying, and as the tears stream down my face, I remember how I felt when I first moved in. Rather than nervousness, this time I am crying because I don't want to leave. I have made memories within these walls, and I have walked on every inch of this campus. I have met so many people, and have grown so much more than I could have ever imagined. I am not the scared girl anymore, wanting nothing more than to return to the safety of mommy and daddy's arms. Instead, I am an independent young woman whose dreams and mind have taken her far. Although tacky, one could compare my transformation to that of a butterfly's. I am a whole new creature.
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At the beginning of my first year of college, fear held me captive. I was afraid to venture out into the world, and discover all that it offers. I had a new batch of freedom, and I had no idea what to do with it. Looking back, I think part of me was afraid that I would abuse this freedom as many college freshmen do. Another part of me was afraid that I would take advantage of it, and that it would take me past my wildest dreams. As I reflect on one of the best years of my young life, I can honestly say that freedom caused me to look at the world in an entirely different way. While many of my fellow students decided to skip class and drink themselves to death, my friends and I climbed buildings and watched the sun slowly fall in the sky behind the city skyline. This new freedom found me exploring empty fields and forests in between classes, and eating meals while watching Netflix . This new freedom found me changing my major twice and discovering new interests and passions. This new freedom allowed me to learn more about myself with every adventure, and every night I found myself wishing I was anywhere but school.
College has taught me so much, and I am so thankful that I did not allow fear to win. I thank God everyday for giving me His strength to carry on, even through the tears and stress. I am also thankful to my parents who taught me how to use freedom to grow, rather than destroy. I have a long way to go in this journey of mine, but so far it has been a beautiful transformation.
