Relationships, all kinds of relationship, they're the things that take our lives to the next level. The interpersonal communication that we are able to cultivate allows us to grow in ways that would be impossible to do alone. Every major religion implores that we treat people with compassion, understanding, and unconditional positive regard. One verse that is so close to my heart reads:
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another." (John 13:34, NKJV)
This verse suggests that we should strive to love our fellow man in the same way that the Lord loves us. That being said, sometimes we fall into the habit of loving someone so much that you'll allow them to take advantage of you. What's the way to help this situation? Boundaries; setting boundaries in your life will not only help your personal mental health, but will also help you become a more effective individual.
Here's a few tips on setting steadfast boundaries.
1. Firstly, understand your own feelings.
If you are to a point where you're considering the idea of setting new boundaries, you're probably having an emotional reaction to the way someone is treating you. Be sure to take inventory of what is transpiring, and how these things are making you feel. Be sure to identify not only your feelings, but forecast what you think the other party is feeling as well.
2. Name your limits; be direct.
Identify your emotional, spiritual, and physical needs; set your boundaries within these limitations. When making these identifications, also find a place you're comfortable reaching. You are clearly a giving person, identify how much you're willing to give without sacrificing your own personal wellbeing. Explain to the people in your life that you're making yourself a priority and will be helping a little less.
3. Start small.
I would not suggest cutting off all aid from someone because you're feeling overwhelmed. This will leave you open to someone assuming something is wrong, perhaps that they've done something to hurt you. Retreat slowly, all the while letting the person know that you're still there for them.
4. Make self-care a priority.
There is nothing in this world more important that your spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing. All three of them together; if one start to slip, the others will follow suit. You need to make sure that you are sustaining your wellbeing. If you cannot take care of yourself, you should not be taking care of anybody else. It is not fair to you. Do not feel badly for taking care of yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Practice mindful self-awareness; take inventory of your wellbeing on a regular basis and make adjustments.
5. Consider your past, present, and future.
Where have you been? Where are you now? Where do you want to go? How are the decisions you are currently making playing into these time frames? Be sure that the relationships you have are conducive to the person you want to be. Make sure that you're living life as ideally as you can. Has someone taken advantage of you in the past? If so, how did you handle that situation? Be sure not to allow yourself to be stagnant, more importantly, do not allow someone to hold you back from becoming your ideal self.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load." (Galatians 6:2-7, NKJV)
Put beautifully in St. Paul's letter to the Galatians, we are called to help our brothers and sisters in the things they struggle with. We are to help other's pull weight. Furthermore, "let each one examine his own work," they should pull their own weight, just as we should pull our own. Take care of yourself, so that you may be fortunate enough to help your fellow man, and thusly fortunate enough to live the law of Christ, Our God.
