I have never believed that there was such thing as a ‘quarter life crisis’. I mean, it’s only 25- it's not like it's the big 3-0.
That is until my 25th birthday started to creep up.
I have this overwhelming sense of failure- like somehow everyone else is farther ahead. They are more accomplished, more successful. We hold these impossibly high standards for ourselves that 9 times out of 10 we will never live up to. We hold on to a fantasy version of our future selves that is impossible to achieve- but convince ourselves the closer we get the happier we will be. But we are young. So young. We have so much life ahead of us.
When we graduated high school we were filled with a sense of positivity and that we were going to save the world. We threw our caps in the air and took in a deep breath of freedom.
Then we blinked.
And here we are, over analyzing our lives now versus where we want/thought they would be. Some of us with families, some of us starting out in their dream career- and some trying to finish up college and barely making ends meet. The problem is we have this mindset that it is too late to begin again, and we have convinced ourselves that we must settle for a continuance.
I am in the ‘trying to make ends meet and finish my damn degree’ category. I have had numerous jobs in a variety of different areas since I graduated- ranging from healthcare, retail, gas station, clerical- to my now current job in at a car dealership. Things have not turned out the way that I thought they would.
I want nothing more than that personal and financial stability that adulthood is supposed to bring- but no one tells you how to get there. Is it trial and error? Is it pick a career and that is it? Is it working a dead end job you hate?
If you feel the same way I do, then it helps to know why your life is a tornado in the first place. According to a recent study, Dr. Oliver Robinson sums your life up in five main phases:
- Phase One: You feel trapped by your life choices, like your job, relationship, or both. You’re living on “autopilot.”
- Phase Two: You get a sense of “I’ve got to get out of this” and feel a growing sense that change is possible if you just take a leap.
- Phase Three: You quit the job, end the relationship, or break the commitment that’s making you feel trapped. Then you detach and enter a “time out” period where try to rediscover who you are and who you want to be.
- Phase Four: You begin rebuilding your life slowly but surely.
- Phase Five: You develop new commitments that are more in line with your interests and aspirations.
According to Robinson, those adults who complete all five phases come out stronger mentally than other adults. He also goes on to say that these feelings of insecurity and disappointment are most seen in those people who are trying. Great, right?
But how do we get through this ‘quarter life crisis’?
Granted, this is something I am working on myself, but I have found a few things that are helping.
1. Wine
Lots of it.
2. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
You're going to do things in your own time. We are all guilty of scrolling through Facebook and seeing all the perfect couples, beautiful babies, engagement announcements, weddings and then comparing their lives to ours. Kali Rogers wrote, “you cannot compare the beginning of your journey to the middle of someone else's.” I could not have said it better myself. So quit judging other people's lives, and just do you, boo boo!
3. Let the deadlines go
Expectations are assholes. Let go of the ‘should be’ mentality.
I should be married. I should be graduated. I should be working my dream job.
When your 18, you think that you're going to accomplish so much by the time your 25. I think this is because 7 years seems like such a long time when you’re young, but in reality, it’s no time at all. Keep your goals, keep moving forward, you will get where you’re going in due time.
4. Get to know yourself
Take quizzes, spend time alone, journal (this is a great way to discover likes and dislikes), make list, figure out who you are as a person. The majority of us think we know who we are, but in reality, we know more about our best friend or our favorite television character. Getting to know yourself can give you clarity and help point you in the right direction!
5. Make a plan
How are you going to get where you want to go if you don’t know how to get there?
In high school, my principal held a pep assembly. During this assembly he had teachers hand out a piece of paper and a pen to every student. He gave a speech on goals, then told us to write down three goals and put the piece of paper in our wallets. Keeping your goals as you gives you purpose. Plus, when you feel unmotivated or discouraged, you can pull them out and remind yourself where you're going. To this day I have my goals written down in my wallet.
Get goals. Make a plan. Crush them.
Just remember, everyone goes through hard times, and a little life crisis isn't a bad thing!
I keep reminding myself that almost everyone goes through this and I am using it as motivation to get where I want to be. Trust me, we will get through this!
One bottle of wine at a time.
