An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder | The Odyssey Online
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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder

It took years to know that I was worth more.

Colleen Thornton
Feb 01, 2016
Mount Saint Mary College
12
An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder
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Hi there,

We haven't talked in a while and I'm more than OK with that. I just wanted to tell you a few things since you've been on my mind lately.

First of all, I wanted to let you know that I hate you. I used to rely so heavily on everything that revolved around you. You ruined me. You ruined my relationship with others. You ruined my relationship with food. You stole my innocence.

I've come so far from the last time that you were my world and I couldn't be more proud of myself. That doesn't change the past though. You're the reason I was depressed. You're the reason for my anxiety. You're the reason I was so sad.

I will never get back those hours that I cried because I was "too fat." I'll never get back all those moments when I could have been enjoying my ice cream. I'll never get back all the food I refused to eat. I'll never get back those moments of abuse that I went through to make myself "perfect." All those nights that I spent a mess because I was "too fat" to even have an eating disorder are something that you stole from me.

At 12-years-old, you should be worrying about what color nail polish to use this week not how many pounds you can lose this week. You stole seven years of my life and I hate you for it.

No matter how much I hate you and how much pain you caused, I have some things that I need to thank you for.

It took years of fighting to get my life back. It took years to know that I was worth more.

You taught me that I am worth something. You showed me how to be strong. You showed me how to love myself.

After years of fighting back, I finally know that I'm worth something. I know it's OK to eat 500 calories in one meal rather than one day. Because of you I know what strength is. I know what pain is. I know what sorrow is.

I lost a lot because of you, some things I will never get back.

From you I gained strength. I gained acceptance. I gained willpower. I gained courage. I grew as a person once I kicked you out of my life. I'm better off without you.

Knowing you broke me, but overcoming you really did change me.

I don't have much to say to you anymore and I'm glad we've gone our separate ways.

So my parting words to you are: Fuck you.

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