Summer is now in full swing, and it seems like everyone on my Instagram timeline is flocking towards the beaches for either day trips or week long vacations. I know the beach is a lot of people's version of paradise and bliss, but for me, it's actually Hell on Earth. I can spend only about 8 hours at the beach before I start losing my mind--it's simply just not the place for me to be for these 8 reasons.
1. Sand gets everywhere.
One time as a kid I took off my bathing suit after spending a day riding some mad waves and I swear about 5 pounds of sand fell out of it (along with a seashell or two). It's top 10 one of the most disgusting things to ever happen to me. Sand gets in every nook, cranny, and crevice and I don't understand why anyone for any reason would want to lay on it. To put it simply, in the wise words of Anakin Skywalker, "I don't like sand."
2. Way too many people seem to be there.
GiphyEver been on an empty beach? Yeah, me neither because they actually don't exist in the summer time. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I hate being in crowded places, so obviously the beach would prove to be my worst nightmare.
3. Swimming in a place where sharks live? Sign me up!
GiphyI know the chances of ever encountering a shark may be slim, but my biggest fear is coming face-to-face with one. It CAN happen, okay!
4. Everything is overpriced.
GiphyIf you ask me, the amount of money to pay for a parking space down the shore is absolutely ridiculous--and I come from the city where you always need to pay for parking (except for Sunday's of course). And the drive to the beach in and of itself is expensive--it can take almost 3 hours for me to get to a Jersey beach and gas is pricey! And don't even get me started on paying for tolls. And what some places on the boardwalk want me to pay for a slice of pizza is enough to make my wallet cry.
5. Sunburn is a VERY real problem and you have to apply sunscreen thousands of times.
GiphyI have not once walked away from the beach without a wicked sunburn. Not cool.
6. Knowing that you're literally swimming in everyone's pee.
GiphyYou're funny if you think people don't pee in the ocean. It's disgusting and not nearly as contained as it would be in a chlorine filled pool. The ocean is DIRTY, people!
7. Having your life flash before your eyes when a wave takes you out.
GiphyI've had one too many experiences getting wiped out by a wave and thinking to myself (as I'm literally drowning), "This is it. This is how I go." Obviously I've managed to survive every wipeout, but my dignity has always died because every time a wave takes me out, my bikini top always manages to come undone and I end up flashing the entire beach. Someone please tell me what's fun about that?
8. And I must repeat that the sun just sucks.
GiphyI hate the summer, and the summer hates me. The sun burns me alive and makes me sweat profusely. I'd rather do a polar plunge than sit out in the sun all day having it bake me to death. Catch me doing literally ANYTHING else this summer than going to the beach for a vacation.
- 10 Fun Things To Do This Summer ›
- 4 Reasons Why I Don't Like The Beach ›
- The Beach Body: You Don't Need It Girls ›
- 10 Great Things To Do This Summer Besides Going To The Beach ›
