It is OK to be in pain. It is OK to hurt, to feel broken. It is OK to not be strong 100 percent of the time. Often times we, black women especially, are not allowed to feel sorrow. We are not allowed to feel or to hurt. Mental and emotional health issues in the black community especially are stigmatized. We are told to “pray about it” and “go to church.” Sometimes we are simply told that black people don’t have these issues. Mental and emotional health problems are “white issues” and us black folks have been so strong for so long that we should be able to handle the minuscule problems we currently face. The New York Times recently published an article highlighting a study with startling results: the rates of suicide in black children are sharply increasing, nearly doubling since the 1990s. This was the first national study that showed a higher suicide rate for blacks as opposed to whites. Many of the reasons for suicide at large are due to mental health issues and now that the suicide rate for black children has officially become higher for blacks of a certain subgroup, the stigma in black communities must be acknowledged.
One of my old friends from high school committed suicide not too long ago so this topic of mental health, of depression, of suicide hits noticeably hard. The image of my friend’s body in a coffin is permanently carved into all of the crevices of my brain. The sound of her mother’s tears, of her family’s cries is a sound I don’t believe I’ll ever forget. This is a real issue. Mental health needs to be diagnosed and treated just as any physical ailment would.
This issue of mental health in black and minority communities must be addressed due to inter-generational trauma. Black people have, for centuries, been dealing with insurmountable amounts of trauma, as have other minorities, especially Native Americans who have the highest incline of suicide among all other racial and ethnic groups at a whopping 89 percent for women and 38 percent for men. Not only have we been dealing with trauma for centuries, this trauma is being passed down from generation to generation. Inter-generational trauma is real and sometimes this trauma can be so intense that the only way to cope with it is to avoid it, thus passing it down from generation to generation. In addition to this inter-generational trauma, minorities are also dealing with very present, very pressing modern day accounts of trauma. Racism, oppression, sexism, and homophobia are all still very rampant in society.
In order to prevent this trauma from enveloping future generations, this trauma and the emotions that overtake it must be released. Emotions must be felt, conversations must be had, help must be sought. It is not enough to “take it up with God.” If you are hurting, seek help. Do not suppress these emotions in an attempt to “be strong.” Cry. Break down. Be in pain, relish in your pain. Mac Miller once said in a song, “it’s cool to cry, don’t ever question your strength,” and what he said is true. It is okay. You are not less of a woman, less of a person for having emotions. There is strength in weakness and beauty in acknowledging the pain. Don’t ever question your strength because you are feeling. You are human, with a wide array of emotions, and it is OK to not be OK. Speak to people, seek help, and heal—with yourself, with others. Be whole.
