Lately, I have been doing a lot of soul- searching. I have been thinking about the things that make me happy and unhappy, and I have discovered a lot about myself.
I am not a sad person most of the time. As a matter of fact, I try to be happy and positive and comical. Lately though, I have been feeling really down in the dumps. It probably has a lot to do with the stress of finals and other obligations, but something inside me has been off.
When I get stressed, I like to be alone with my thoughts. Spending time alone has given me time to think. Lately, I have been extremely disconnected from my peers and my friends alike. I keep becoming agitated with people, and sometimes it's for good reason. Through all of my thinking, I have realized that I have a lot of expectations for people in my life. And sometimes, the people around me fall short of my expectations.
But, that is not the only thing that has been bothering me lately. I have found that I have been falling short of my own expectations for myself. For a long time, I have been extremely disappointed in the way I handle school and stress, and it has put me in some very difficult places. I can't seem to handle my time as well as I would like, and I struggle with prioritizing.
The point of me writing this is not to make anyone feel bad if they can relate to some of the struggles that I have been having. It is not to make anyone feel guilty if you have done something wrong before. The purpose of this is to encourage you all to look in the mirror and be honest with yourselves. Ask yourself, "Why am I so sad? Is it because of my circumstances, or is it because of responsibilities that I have failed to accomplish? Am I being hard on myself? Is someone hurting me? Etc..." I am not saying that your sadness is not valid. All I am saying is to search for the root of it. Are people in your life bringing you down? Do you feel like you are not the person you want to be? Are you stressed? Or, is it something completely different?
My point is, take steps to attain your happiness. If a friend has been treating you poorly, have a discussion with them and see if they care enough to consider your feelings. (Not that you should rely on other people for happiness, but this step could really help if you want this person in your life.) If you find yourself acting in ways that are not representative of who you want to be, make a plan to get out of those habits.
Now, go make yourself proud.