Recently I have been more and more aware of the fact that a lot of people lack certain conversational skills.
We have all been there, you are having a conversation with your friends, you start speaking, and before you are a sentence out you get interrupted and promptly ignored. Often it isn’t a matter of how loud you are speaking; it’s that people don’t try to listen. There are several things you can do to improve your conversations and relationships with your peers.
Maintain eye contact.
I have worked retail for a few years, and one thing I learned immediately is eye contact is key. If people don’t think you are paying attention to them why should they buy anything from you? This applies in everyday conversation as well. It is very discouraging to people when you don’t look at them when they are speaking. If you immediately start looking elsewhere, or worse, start using your phone, you display disinterest and disrespect. Eye contact builds trust and interpersonal relationships.
Speak in turns.
Everyone has something they want to say, if you are constantly speaking over others and not giving them a chance to speak you might as well be speaking to yourself. Often I see where an individual will start talking and others will start their own conversation. This leaves the individual talking to them self, and feeling ignored. Sometimes we have the conversational white knight that hears the person is cut off and ignored, then loudly restated what they were saying and asks them to continue. You’re the real MVP.
Actually listen.
So sometimes this one is hard. The person speaking to you might genuinely be droning on about something not pertinent to you in any way. If you do actually try in normal situations to listen to someone, you will learn more and not get caught in bad situations later. It’s always “fun” when you can say “yeah then Spiderman picked me up and we got popcorn,” and the person you’re speaking to says uh-huh…. yeah, sounds cool.
Show you care.
Don’t jump ship the first opportunity you get. Contribute to what someone says by speaking more about that. It shows you were listening and are interested in what they have to say. This makes people feel respected and appreciative. If you change topics the first chance you get it makes people question if you care or if you were paying attention at all.
Communication is only worth it if both people are listening.
Don’t waste somebody else’s time, or your own. Communicate effectively and respectfully.
