If we're being completely honest, your life is nothing how you imagined it would be.
I know that throughout high school you constructed this magnificent version of yourself that you vowed to be by the time you graduated college, and I'm sorry to inform you that, you're not that person.
If I remember correctly, you dreamt of designing houses, marrying your high school sweetheart, keeping up with close friends, maintaining a healthy relationship with Christ, not gaining the freshman fifteen. You took pride in your athletic abilities, your academic achievements, and your extracurriculars. You were incredibly independent under your parents' roof, but their presence brought you comfort. You were proud of the person you had become and you had an overwhelming amount of hope for the future.
Girl... let. me. tell. you... college has completely changed you. You spent a year at a school you hated just to realize that designing houses wasn't your dream, and now you're sitting on a college campus that you once vowed you would never attend. Your high school sweetheart, your first true love, broke things off before college, leaving you devastated. Those friends you talked to every day and spent the majority of your time with, you only text every now and then to catch up. You haven't been to church in over a year and your Bible no longer has a place beside your bed. The freshman fifteen was inevitable. Your athletic abilities mean nothing in college, and now you're lucky if you make it to the gym at least once a week. Your academic achievements are still something to take pride in, but they require a lot more time and effort. Extracurriculars? What are those? You don't have time for those, silly. You wish you could return to the days where independence meant doing whatever you wanted, when you wanted-- not paying your own rent and bills, buying your own groceries, and working 25 hours a week while being a full-time student.
But let me tell you something else.... you may not have become the perfected version of yourself you wanted to be, but through trial and error, you have become exactly who you were supposed to be. You may not have pursued your dream career, but you did pursue your passion of teaching and inspiring young minds. And that university you vowed you'd never attend and assumed you would hate? You love it more than you imagined possible and you're so thankful that life's obstacles led you here. As hard as the hurt felt from the one person you had ever loved leaving you, you're that much stronger because of it. Him leaving meant you finding yourself. Looking back on it, you find yourself thanking him. Not only did he teach you how to love unconditionally, but he let you go when he knew he could no longer positively contribute to your life, which allowed you to find you on your own time. Even though you aren't in constant contact with your closest friends, at the end of the day, you know they're there for you, and they know you're there for them. They've been there through your darkest times and seen you at your all time low. They have been and always will be your backbone. Even though you're attendance at church is far from perfect, your faith still lies in the Lord and you know that his plan is greater than any plans you have for this life. As for the freshman fifteen, you only gained ten (thanks to that once a week gym regimen), and the size of your pants doesn't define who you are as a person in the first place. Now that you've realized your passion in life, you truly enjoy school and managed to make the Dean's List last semester. And even though you're damn near killing yourself with schoolwork, waitressing tables, and becoming more involved on campus, I can assure you that nothing is more gratifying than being able to support yourself on your own.
But you know what's most important? The fact that none of these things matter in the grand scheme of things. Yes your relationship with your friends, family, and Christ are the most important things in life, but if you were to lose everything tomorrow, you still have yourself. You still have a strong, motivated, inspirational, beautiful inside and out, person to depend on, and that's something that will never, everchange.
So, darling, I guess what I'm trying to tell you is, don't give up on yourself when things don't go as planned. You still have SO SO much to be proud of, and you have every reason to be hopeful for the future because your future is as bright as your soul. Yes, you have changed, but change is a part of life. Take a deep breath, and rest assured knowing, you may not have gone where you intended to go, but you ended up exactly where you need to be.
I'll see you in a few years, my dear, xo.
