My name is Tre'Vontaye Toby, I am 18 years old, and I am currently a senior in high school. I am a World Karate and Jiu-Jitsu Champion, I am graduating in the top 10% of my class, I am basically the President of the Criminal Justice Program at my school, I am a "popular" person at my school, I will be attending one of the best universities in the United States, Emory University, which ranks #19, on a full ride scholarship, I have a freaking surgical internship with this Otolarynrhinogologist (Ear, Nose, and Throat) and facial plastic surgeon, and yet, I still find myself constantly down emotionally. I know, I have every reason to be happy, but honestly, no matter how much I try, sometimes I just can't get happy. I suffer from depression.
Depression is a mental health condition that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Depression is a very common problem that affects more than 300 million people worldwide. So, if you are suffering from it, you are definitely not alone! According to WHO: Depression is different from usual mood fluctuations and short-lived emotional responses to challenges in everyday life. Especially when long-lasting and with moderate or severe intensity, depression may become a serious health condition. It can cause the affected person to suffer greatly and function poorly at work, at school and in the family. At its worst, depression can lead to suicide. Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in 15-29-year-olds.
I have a friend who suffers from depression and when she first told me, about a year ago, I told her that it was all in her mind, that if she tried hard enough that it would just go away. I didn't understand the seriousness of her mental issue until I went through it myself. I learned that it's not that simple to just "shake it off". Suffering from depression has impacted my life in a negative way that sometimes makes it hard for me to live my life to its fullest. It affects my relationships, friendships, family life and just my life in general.
It affected my love life tremendously with the last girl I was talking to. The girl and I were talking for around a year and a half, and ultimately, it was my fault that we broke up. I was constantly feeling as if I wasn't worthy to be with her, and that would make me disconnect from her and start to shut her off. In my mind I would create scenarios of events that were ridiculous, that would make me sad. I would think, "Oh no, she doesn't want to talk to me?" or "Oh no, maybe I don't want to talk to her". Those thoughts forced me to become distant and eventually led to us to stop talking.
It even affected my friendship recently with someone who I adore dearly. Depression almost made me turn away from my closest friend, just randomly. It made me feel that my friend was ignoring me and didn't want to talk to me. It made me feel as if like she didn't care about me at all. I honestly felt like she only wanted to speak to me when it benefited her. That was just not true. I told her, "But fine, obviously you don't want to talk to me...I'll be here tomorrow when you're ready. But not too many tomorrows left... I can only help you so much. I can help you, only until it starts to hurt me." I had handwritten her a six-page letter, expressing my thoughts and feelings and how I felt like the best thing to do was to just cut her out of my life altogether. Then she told me how she felt and how she was not okay with me just leaving. She couldn't just lose a friend. She's an amazing friend, she always speaks great things about me and I feel like she is sincere and does actually want to talk to me and be my friend. I just feel sad because she has to deal with me. I'm sensitive and get depressed with these false assumptions that I create in my mind. These assumptions lead me to become sad and depressed. I am so thankful to have a friend that refuses to give up on me, even when I become depressed and give up on our friendship.
Through both of those experiences, I realized that I give out so much love to other people and I can't expect them to show me the same love in return. Yeah, they show me love, but not in the same way I show them. Some people just aren't capable of doing that, it's not who they are. I realize that and I pray that I can remember that when I enter my depressed moods.
Depression doesn't only affect me in that way, depression gives many symptoms that vary and cause a challenge. Depression affects my sleep patterns, my appetite, feelings of self-worth, affects my drive and ambition, causes me to become irritable, and so many other things that I can't control. These symptoms don't happen every day, they occur whenever they want. It could be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year; I can never anticipate the mood shift. Nor, can I anticipate the severity of the mood change. It just a struggle that I handle day by day. I am just thankful that I have a strong support system of friends that can help me get through those difficult moments. I am so thankful to have them because I know not everyone has people who they can talk to and depend on to be there for them.
If you are going through depression you are not alone! Here are some stories from people that I know that battle depression or some form of it. Their names are left out to protect their identity:
Living with depersonalization is like having plastic wrap all over your face, or like wearing a pair of glasses that are the wrong prescription. Or being able to hear only out of your left ear. You’re physically present but it’s as if you’re watching yourself live and you never really do any of the living yourself. Every smile seems forced and every laugh seems hallow, even if you actually found the joke to be funny. Living with it has been pretty difficult, I usually try to correct it by grounding myself and becoming aware of my surroundings. However, this usually ends up with me being hyper aware and being too caught up in everything, for example, being aware of my breathing and then that turning into hyperventilation. It’s something that a lot of people have gone through, even if it has been just once. Having lived with it on and off for a couple years, I have seen strains in my relationships with others whenever I experience an episode. Connecting with people becomes extremely difficult and people have described interacting with me during these times as “talking to a wall”.
-Friend of Mine
Depression is a serious issue and the person suffering from it can't just simply make it go away. It can affect anyone, at any age. If you'd like to know more about depression, click here! If you are suffering from depression and would like to seek help and ease your symptoms, please click here or call 1-800-999-9999. Remember, you are never alone!
