There's a reason the amount of students attending mental health counseling has increased over the past few years. There's also a reason why nearly HALF of college students have searched for counseling and 30% of students have seriously considered committing suicide. I've heard from a friend that Cornell has to close one of their bridges during finals week because of instances of suicide involving jumping off that bridge. Multiple times.
I've always been someone who focuses on short term goals about the present, such as having good grades or to run a 12 second 100-meter dash and specific goals for my long term that I've never understood other students who have depression and have trouble getting out of bed. For me, there's so many things to do everyday there's simply no room to be depressed. To me, if you have depression, you're not working hard enough towards your goals.
Three months into college, with the stress of dealing with classes, the death of a friend, and finding out one of my close friends has depression has really changed changed my perspective on depression. For me, I have an outward personality of an outgoing and approachable person, but I have trouble figuring out my own identity and what my friend group is. I'm friends with a lot of people a year older than I am, and can't really seem to find a niche with my own grade. I enjoy my personal time where I can sing with no shame and dance like know how to dance, but let's be honest-I can't dance. However, I also wish I had friends to go on spontaneous dates with to explore the wonderful city I'm living in. All of my good friends are back in Texas or other states, and I'm here with an identity crisis, with no one to really resonate with. Having a good underclassman friend pass away at such a young age doesn't help. Just realizing that one of my friends is actually seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication for depression makes me realize that depression is serious, because for the first time in my life, I think I might just be the D-word too.
It's definitely not serious to the point where I'm contemplating ending it-far from it- and it's not even where I think I need to see a psychiatrist and take meds. Sometimes, I feel like I just want a solid friend who I can actually talk to, not just about school. A friend where I don't just say hi to in the halls or on the quad, because that's basically everyone for me. I'm confident in my identity where I can say that I have many friends, but none of which I'm actually close to and can exchange deep stories with or friends that see me as a close friend like I see them.
I used to think depression doesn't affect a lot of people; I can even daresay that I used to think only lazy people without a purpose are the only ones that suffer from depression. With this recent upturn of events that I didn't believe would ever affect me, however, I can say that that viewpoint most definitely has changed, and I acknowledge the fact that I may also be a part of the community I once held to a lower level. I don't know how to fix this problem, but I believe the first step to solving it is to admit there is something wrong.
And we'll go from here.
