Urban Dictionary defines a Basic Bitch as: “Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue. She believes herself to be unique, fly, amazing, and a complete catch, when really she is boring, painfully normal, and par. She believes her experiences to be crazy, wild, and different or somehow more special than everything that everybody else is doing. When really, almost everyone is doing or has done the exact same thing. She is typical and a dime a dozen. There are many subtypes of basicness, such as the basic ratchet, the basic sorority bitch, the basic groupie bitch, the basic I'm-so-Carrie-from-Sex-and-the-City bitch, etc., but ultimately, they all share the common thread of being expendable and un-noteworthy and, in some cases, having absolutely no redeeming qualities.”
If that doesn’t hit the nail on the head I don’t know what to tell you. After reading this definition, I was inspired to write an article on 10 things basic bitches love.
1. Dancing with their friends: Whether it is on top of the bar or grinding on the dance floor, you can spot them from a mile away. They will be the ones trying incredibly hard to get everyone’s attention and pushing twerking limits far beyond where they were ever meant to go. There’s a good chance they look weird while doing this.
2. Burnett’s and Franzia: Burnasty will be their pregame drink of choice and boxed wine their to-go party drink. They will take shots of Burnett’s and kill fifths every weekend. They will savor the Franzia until the last drop. Basic bitches love their cheap alcohol.
3. Sorority bid day: Basic bitches go crazy for sorority bid day. They dress up and pretend to love people they met a few times that week. They go crazy like it’s a music festival and immediately put all the pictures on Instagram like it is something they are paid to do.
4. Fall: Basic bitches go head-over-heels for fall. Whether it is pumpkin spice everything or breaking out the Uggs, fall is the time of year that the basic can creep out in everyone. Leggings, scarves, the leaf pictures… This time of year is a basic bitch’s time to shine, by which I mean fit in with all the other basics.
5. Taylor Swift: A basic bitch will have at least one photo or Instagram picture with a Taylor Swift quote on it. They will know the words to all her songs and will do literally anything to see her concerts or even just try to play her music at a party. Taylor Swift speaks to their life and their poor choices in men.
6. Social Media: God forbid someone not know what you’re doing every second of every day. They will Instagram food, tweet locations, and Facebook anything that seems slightly relevant in their lives. Want to know if a girl is at the gym? Refer yourself to their Snapchat story. Their Snapchat stories, for an average night will consist of their dinner, what bar they are at, a selfie with a friend, and then 10 seconds of loud music and dancing. “Hot dogs or legs?”
7. Nicholas Sparks: Basics love everything this guy does. They see all his movies and read all his books. They will watch his movies even though they know his movies all end depressingly and with some unrealistic expectation of love.
8. Yoga pants and not doing yoga: This one I’m okay with.
9. Dating Douchebags: Basic bitches love to date douchebags. If they treat you like shit and generally suck, basic bitches love them. You can usually find them arguing at the bar or ignoring each other while out to eat.
10. Wearing Nike shorts and a rush shirt to class: This will be as basic as it gets. Next time you walk through campus, don’t be shocked when you see this one all over. This stereotype is one that walks and breathes basic.
These 10 things can narrow down the most basic of the basic. If you qualify for a few, you’ll be okay. You’ll find a way to make yourself actually unique I promise. A special thanks to my cousin Brandy; my sister Brooke; my friends Katy, Liz, Hannah, and Becca; and the ladies at the bar I went to last night for helping me with this article. (The bar girls were examples. Everyone else just helped.) Next week I will tackle the “basic bro.”
