It may seems like a strange concept to understand, but it's actually true. When I turned twenty-one in August I made a secret promise to myself, that I would try to break down the walls I had built up and build up my confidence instead. I would break out of my comfort zone and meet as many people as I could, I would shake of this slump of a depression that's wrapped itself around me because now was the time to do only the things that made me happy. Of course there were other goals involved in that promise, other desires and pep-talks but these were things I knew I couldn't change over night. It has now been almost three whole months since my birthday and I have become more determined to uphold that promise.
I never thought I would find confidence in going out to a bar on a random weekend in the month. The idea of intoxicated people packed in a crowded place never appealed to me, it didn't seem like my scene, but it has definitely changed me forever.
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There's something about getting ready to go out that builds you up deep inside. You're apprehensive about going out, you're debating about staying in bed after you just showered, your mattress looks more inviting than usual but you ignore the invitation like that guy who texts you "u up?" at 2:30 am every few months. So you throw your music on and your night has already started.
You're looking in your mirror in front of the mess of makeup on the desk and the thoughts stat rushing through your head. "Makeup won't make you any prettier", "Smokey eye, who do you think you are?", "Why even bother going out? As if anyone will even notice you". But you still ignore them, you swipe on your wings and line your lips, you feel great, your face is beat for the gods. You keep up the positive thoughts as you go off to do you hair. The music is blasting and you're smiling at yourself in the mirror again, you're loving your makeup and you're truly feeling yourself.
You picked out those super tight jeans that make your legs look long and slim, that black shirt that makes your curves look more flattering, you've got your favorite bra on, your favorite earrings and you start to look at yourself with some more confidence. But you're really just fidgeting in front of the mirror pulling and tucking your clothes thinking you can't pull of this outfit with this hair and makeup, that you look like that girl who doesn't know how foolish she looks. The clock is ticking so you throw on your shoes and touch up your lipstick heading out the door.
You feel awkward and out of place at the bar, you keep close to the empty bar stool hoping just to blend in, you see people looking at you while you sip on your drink and you know that you can't stay in front of the bar all night and eventually you'll have to let go. So you dance a little trying to go unseen and unnoticed. That when you realize you don't care. You're out to have fun, to enjoy the night, to be yourself. That's when all the thoughts and insecurities melt away, you're at peace with yourself to continue on with your night. That's when people notice you. The girl in the bathroom compliments you, the guy outside offers to buy you a drink, and suddenly you're the person you remember you were before the thoughts clouded up your mind.
Now you want to go out every weekend and you wonder why you haven't been doing this all the time. So blossom, you're young and full of live, might as well enjoy it while you can.
