Here it comes, I think to myself as my breathing starts to increase and my hands start to sweat, god are they sweating. Don't cry, don't fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out..not that fast you idiot. Are people staring at me? I hate when people stare at me. You’re okay, remember don't cry, who cries in public? It’s just a bad day, not a bad life…are you breathing?
Here it comes, I think to myself as the texts become less and less. Is he mad at me? Oh God did I say something wrong? Maybe he thinks I'm being too overwhelming? It’s probably because I’m too fat. Should I have waited that extra ten minutes to text him back? Ugh, I should have slept with him on the first date. Don’t cry, don't fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out, not that fast you idiot. Maybe I should text him again, just once more. What did he mean by ‘okay cool’….are you breathing?
Here it comes, I think to myself as I get ready to read out loud. Don’t worry you got this, but do I have this? Oh no, did I prepare properly? What if I hesitate or stumble..what if I can't focus? Wow there are a lot of people in this class, have there always been this many people? Shit, what am I talking about again? Don’t cry, don't fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out…not that fast you idiot. Okay its almost my turn, am I sweating? Oh my god I’m going to stutter. People are never going to let me live this down. Well here it goes, the worst 5 minutes of my life…are you breathing?
Here it comes I think to myself as I get in my car. Okay gas is on the right and the break is on the left…or is it the right? Ugh you know this focus. Okay foot on break…double check, okay now reverse..reverse is R okay you got this. Recheck your foot is on the break. Alright slowly pull out, okay good. Crap did I shut the garage I’m too far to go back. I should go back. What if someone breaks into the house? Don’t cry, don't fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out…not that fast you idiot. Okay now just drive you're doing fine, its okay change the station. Stop staring at the car next to you, they're not going to hit you. Is that person swerving? Okay focus, keep your eyes on the road…are you breathing?
Here it comes, I think to myself as I walk on eggshells walking into my apartment. No one is mad at you. You haven't done anything wrong. She gave me a weird look, she must be mad at me. Maybe I should go check in on her. Make sure she is okay. She doesn't want to talk, oh god what now..what did I do? Maybe if I tell a funny joke she’ll laugh and everything will be fine. What could I have done wrong? Maybe I should get her a gift, people love gifts…but will that make me look more guilty? Don’t cry, don’t fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out. Okay maybe if I ignore her she’ll stop ignoring me..that doesn't make sense that’s so stupid. Do i straight up ask her if she's mad? I didn't do anything…are you breathing?
Here it comes, I think to myself as I walk up to the bar to meet a new guy. I hate this outfit. I look fat and my makeup of course didn't turn out the way I wanted. I bet he’s not even going to show up, why would he? Was I too forward over text? What if he doesn't like me? Does he expect to have sex on the first date? What do I do if he tries to and I don't want too? Will he think I am a prude? I really want this to work. That’s it he’s not coming he’s late. Don’t cry, don't fucking cry. Breathe in, now breathe out..not that fast you idiot. Oh god here he comes. He looks disappointed..I haven't even spoke yet. Well this is already over. You're a catch…who am I kidding no I’m not. Ugh can I go home yet? Yup I am doomed, date over move on. Are you breathing?
Don't cry, don't fucking cry……..are you breathing?
