I am a very relationship based person. I like having time to myself and I am incredibly independent, but I love people more than anything. I don’t do well with superficial conversation, I just want to know your family’s history, how you became the person you are today, and what your social security number is. You either love me or hate me. That is just the way it goes. My openness and outgoing personality either terrifies you or intrigues you. I love having friends, but I have 3 rules when it comes to friends:
No cowards, no walking all over me, no bullsh*t.
Damn Dew, that’s harsh. Nah-ah brah. You don’t get to say that until you’ve experienced the sh*t that I have experienced with friends. I have lost friends because of piercings I have. I have lost a best friend because for once I had a reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and for the first time they didn’t, and they thought I was being selfish for being excited. I have lost friends because I went to community college and they didn’t think we were on the same paths of life anymore because I was “falling behind.” The worst part is that I would fight for these friendships. I would continually let them walk all over me and continue to gossip about me behind my back to my other friends and for what? The need to say I have friends? That’s not friends. And it took me a really long time to figure out what I deserve.
No cowards, no walking all over me, no bullshit.
From this I have developed a very outspoken personality. I call things out. I don’t keep things to myself that bother me. And I confront. See, my boyfriend loves this. I am not that girl that let’s something fester for months and then he slams the door too loud and it sets me into this rampage of the last 4 months of annoying triggers I have been keeping to myself. No, no. He says something I don’t like, I can just look at him now and he knows, but before it was "YO, NOT COOL DON’T SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN." And then it’s done. Problem resolved. No psycho Dew. My friends, I just learned, not so much. Some of my friends like this quality about me whereas others strongly do not. To be quite frank, I believe it scares them. And it scares them into not addressing me but people around me when they have a problem. No cowards.
My boyfriend and I come from the same friend group, his friends first. The first mistake I made was thinking that that would be a good and fun thing. What I didn’t think about was how the guys then perceived me after we started dating. It was no longer “My friend Dewey…” it was “and B’s girlfriend.” And now instead of it being me and B hanging out it is now, Dewey taking all of B’s time. When did that become fair? The friends had an issue with a private conversation I had and asked B about it instead of me. B told them to talk to me about it. It’s been days and nothing. No bullshit.
I told B I wasn’t partaking in this anymore. I needed space and didn’t want to give anyone further reason to not talk to my face about something. The true test came up when they had their first hangout and I refused to go. Friends were trying to get me to go and all I could think of is they will take anything I do and make it something to talk about and I refused to be a part of it. No walking all over me.
I’ve learned it is impossible to please everyone… And I don’t have to change myself in order to do so.
So how do you balance it without everyone getting upset about it? Well, from what I have learned it’s the friends that support your relationship and boost it up that are good friends, the ones that encourage you to be with him and embrace new things. The same goes for the guy, you want a guy who tells you to go have ladies' night and part takes in your friends’ lives when they come around him. I have the man of my dreams and I have some good friends, and maybe it will all come together better when we stand up in front of those friends and family and put a lock on it. Maybe pleasing both sides won’t be as hard one day, but both will always require love and effort.
We would all like to “have it all” but having it all comes with a lot of self-discovery and doing what is right for you. This is not selfish. I still put others first because that is what my King asks of His followers. But I am His child that deserves to be fulfilled by His kind of love. That is not asking having too high of expectations it’s just not settling. But “having it all” doesn’t come easy; it comes with making some personal decisions… No cowards, no walking all over me, no bullshit.
