To sit back and reflect on all that you have endured thus far, it may seem that you have a lot of baggage. Perhaps your baggage is emotional, physical, or both.
It is easy to feel as if no one will ever understand your personal baggage, as you are the one firsthand endured the events that have left a lingering strain on you.
I will never forget the conversation I once shared with a widow. At the time I was grieving the loss of a young man who I had dated, and I didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't, and sometimes still do, wonder if someone else could ever love me as purely as he had. I felt as if the pain of his passing would last forever, and that I would always only love him.
As I wept in my chair after the church service, a woman came up to me and shared with me, "I lost my first husband very young. I never thought I'd stop missing and loving him, because you don't. You'll always love and miss him dearly. However, you will find someone who will be understanding. My current husband is even okay with me keeping up a picture of my past husband and I. It gets better."
I saw her testimony of grief and love as a promise that someday, someone will love me- baggage and all.
Without a doubt it is discouaraging to think you have met a great guy, just to be let down by their lack of understanding. I tend to have to remind myself that one's lack of understanding is simply the result of a lack of exposure. Some people are more empathetic than others, not having to endure tragedies to support others that are yet coping.
Someone will be patient and respectful enough to take the time to try and understand your triggers and perhaps boundaries. They will not see it as you being selfish or problematic, as some may have in the past. They will be able to set aside any personal insecurities, as they know it's not them, it's you dealing with your own traumas by their side.
No, I do not expect to find a gentleman so emotionally agile at such a young age. I am thankful that I have came to this understanding, so that I can focus on my education and career. I still have a lot of healing to do. Taking time to heal allows time for others to mature, so it's laughably win-win.
I hope that I continue to keep my head high, focus on myself, and remain patient. There is no need to lower my standards and settle for anything short of absolute happiness. I'm in no rush. I joke that I won't find someone who truly gets me until I'm 37, but truly if that's the case, I am content with waiting.
To anyone that feels the weight of their own baggage, I hope that you wait until you find someone who can truly help you carry and lessen the weight.
