Disclaimer: I have never been in a relationship. Sometimes I don’t understand the dynamics of romantic relationships. But I do my best.

These days, I’m not the kind of person to beat around the bush with my relationship advice. If you come to me and ask for advice on what to do about your relationship, when you know I’ve never been in a relationship before, you’ve really got to take most of what I say with a grain of salt. But still, I’m no fool, and I know a problem when I see one.

It wasn’t always like this. Ever since I was 11 years old I’ve watched countless friends go through scores of relationships. Watched from afar as they grew and grew and finally burned out. I’ve sat through many a night where my friends recounted all their feelings, how them and their partner would last forever, how they were in love and were loved.

“I know it’s early,” said one friend after a couple weeks dating a boy I thought was gross. “But there’s no other word for my feelings but love.” We were 15.

As the weeks went on I watched as the boy she was seeing continued to tell my friend he didn’t want anyone to know about their relationship, as their relationship become more and more sexual. I sat and listened later when he finally broke it off.

I sat and watched when a friend of mine started dating a boy a few years older than her. I sat and watched him blow up at her smallest mistakes. I watched him yell and push a child around. Listened to her apologize for him time and again. I told myself over and over that if she was happy, then I shouldn’t say anything. That if she told me she was happy then I was happy.

I was there when she finally decided to end their relationship. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and thought their relationship would fade into the background. But lo and behold, I was there to pick up the phone when she called me crying and terrified, hiding in her closet. Home alone, he had come over to try and talk to her and was stalking around the house trying to break in. I could hear him banging on her front door over the phone. By the time I got over to her house, ready to call the cops, he was gone. God has been merciful to him, because that was the last time I ever saw him.

This encounter changed me. I told myself I wouldn’t ever let anything go anymore. I wouldn’t sit and listen to my friends throw their wandering hearts at boys that didn’t deserve them. That happy didn’t trump safe anymore.

Listen boys and girls, if your partner starts to make you uncomfortable, leave them. If the bad times outweigh the good, leave them. If they cheat on you, leave them. If they say they’re sorry for cheating on you, leave them. If you have to apologize for them to others, leave them. If they tell you they love you one week and that they don’t the next, it’s time for them to go.

You can say all you want that I don’t know what I’m talking about and I don’t know how feelings work, and that it’s more complicated than that, whatever. But this is how I feel. These are my standards for the people I love. So just remember that when you come to me for advice, it’s probably going to be bad advice for your lover, but good advice for you.

I just hope you understand.