Hello! I am Sam. I'm a second-year computer science student here at the U of M, and I'm addicted to video games, ASMR and sleep (I know everyone loves sleep, but I'm willing to bet you woke up before me today). I have to offset my left brain major with right brain activities: I'm a member of Gold Standard, the only show choir on campus, and I volunteer at Radio K (and will hopefully soon begin DJ training).

"Sometimes I don't think [he's] real." - Matt

"I've never known a worse human being." - Christian

"His laugh makes me sad." - Orion

"He has a VR headset, so that's like cool and stuff." - Amir

"Handsome, good team player, slightly cannibalistic." - Phaelan

"[He has] a really good taste in music. I think [he's] the funniest person I know." - Becca

Why are you the perfect catch for someone?

I wrote an article about how to be a good listener, so I'd like to think that I'm a good listener. If that doesn't sell you, I'm an introvert who's always tired, so you won't have to plan any extravagant dates.

Mickey mouse? Do tell.

Oh god. I can do a Mickey Mouse impression, which is the second easiest impression to do, next to Owen Wilson. I only use it for evil, which is to say creeping out my friends at night and taunting them when we're playing video games.

What do you look for in the ideal partner?

She'd love music, because music is awesome. She'd be okay with just being with me or a small group of friends (because, like I said, introvert). She laughs at my jokes because that is like uncut cocaine for me. And it'd be a nice cherry on top if she played video games. If she doesn't, we are playing "Mario Kart" and "Smash Bros." without question.

What celebrity would play you in a movie and what genre would your life story be?

I think Nick Robinson would play a good Sam. It would definitely be a comedy, but it would be the Bo Burnham/Wes Anderson style of comedy, where it's self-aware and sometimes just plain depressing. But it would still be a comedy!

As a writer, what's your favorite part about writing?

Writing solidifies thoughts. Writing is like leading with the comebacks you think of days later. It's easy to sound intelligent and thoughtful, when you can spend as long as you want on a few words. For me, writing is like using a planner: it doesn't inherently make anything easier, it just helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of them. Ooh and I like it when people say they like my writing--that feels good.

Cats or Dogs?
Neither. I have yet to find one of my kind. I'm known as the animal hater to all of my friends. There is one dog I like, and that is my family's Yorkie who is a hairy tumor with legs, named Rocco. He is a precious old man. However, the only reason I can tolerate him is because I don't have to take care of him and I'm gone nine months of the year. He is a loud, needy boy.

What is your favorite kind of pizza?

If I'm being picky, I want the margherita pizza from Punch Pizza. It's the perfect combination of dough, cheese, tomatoes and a shallow pool of the assorted ingredients' mixed juices. However, all pizza is pizza, and, therefore, good.

What's your ideal date?

It's winter, because winter season is the best season. There're pretty lights, hot chocolate and we go to a play or a movie. Then we go home, start a fire, continue slamming hot chocolate, share music and play video games until we pass out. And ice cream. That has to be in there somewhere.

Biggest pet peeve?

I can't stand intolerance, even for small things. If you just let other people do their thing, they will be happier, because you're not bothering them, and you will be happier because you're not wasting energy hating other people. Use your energy to love things, not to hate them! Speaking of which . . . .

Most attractive quality in a partner?

People who love things! The most attractive thing someone can do is be passionate about something, whether it's big, like a life goal, or small, like a bird they saw on the way to class. It's 2018—indifference is out, liking stuff is in!

How can those interested reach you?

I'm on Twitter @sam_jirik! Come watch me share other people's art and get mad about politics!