Game of Thrones has made a name for itself as one of the most indiscriminately violent and thematically complex shows on television. No one's favorite character is safe, and no one's favorite character is just a "good guy" or a "bad guy." What kind of real world examples stand up to Game of Thrones? Today's wars? Police brutality? European History?
Babysitting. The answer is babysitting.
Babies and toddlers are weird, complicated, and occasionally violent, and watching them can be an intense mental exercise. That's why I'm describing my last babysitting adventure with Game of Thrones gifs.
1. WHEN MY OLDER BROTHER INVITES ME TO BABYSIT
My nephews, who I will refer to as Delinquent and Smol for the rest of the article, are in fact the cutest children to ever happen. Most parents say that about their children. However, I'm not their parent, so it must be true. Check and mate.
Delinquent is three years old, and he has blond curls that make grown women seethe with jealousy. He's also a conniving little asshole who'll probably grow up be a Bond villain. That, or he'll become the next Captain America, starting fights in the name of defending truth, justice and the American way. I adore him.
Smol is five months old, and he is the most chill infant to exist. Delinquent was and still is on the prickly side. As long as he is regularly cuddled and fed, Smol is content to sit back and observe. He may squirm a bit if he's feeling ambitious. I adore him even more, because he doesn't exhaust me.
Let the babysitting begin!
2. HOW MY NEPHEWS BEHAVE WHEN I GET THERE
A. His collection dangerous guns and knives that I am not allowed to play with (plastic is a killer, yo).
B. His impressive collection of toy cars and dinosaurs.
C. His racecar bed
D. The fact that Smol does not have any hair.
Smol simply squirmed and offered gummy smiles.
3. WHEN THE NEPHEWS DO SOMETHING FUNNY/CUTE
“Sarah, would you pweeeease take me to Baby Jail? Take me to baby jail and wrap me up like a taco!”
I play a game with Delinquent called “Baby Jail.” I chase him around the house, laughing like a Disney villain until I catch him. I then throw him over my shoulder and then take him to the guest room, where I wrap him in the comforter like a burrito. I hug him and give him kisses and blow raspberries on his cheeks. Then, I'll either leave him alone or pretend to fall asleep while on guard duty. He then makes his heroic escape from Baby Jail, and the process is repeated over and over until he gets bored.
Smol giggles and buries his face in my neck.
4. WHEN DELINQUENT SAYS SOMETHING SASSY
Delinquent hid some of his toys in his mother's purse, which she then took to work. He had me turn the house upside down looking for “his bag.” It took me a shamefully long time to ask, “What does the bag look like?” “It's pink and white and Mama stoled it!”
5. WHEN THE NEPHEWS ARE ACTING UP AT THE SAME TIME
This is how I reacted when Delinquent threw a drink, ripped off his pants and started running around the house while Smol cried, either because he was teething or because his brother flashed him. Probably both.
This is usually the point when I remember...
6. WHEN BABYSITTING INEVITABLY STOPS BEING FUN
I start remembering all the not fun things that happened during other times I babysat The Nephews. Delinquent always panics when I go to the bathroom. Delinquent once did an admittedly accurate-looking imitation of Krump dancing and kicked me in the lady parts. Smol drools so much that my arms literally get coated up to the elbows in baby spit...How did I forget this?
7. WHEN THE NEPHEWS DO SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why is Delinquent eating his weight in ketchup? Why is he stockpiling baby wipes in an empty mayonnaise jar? Why is Smol making that weird noise that sounds vaguely like the engine of a motor scooter?
These are the questions that require me to tag in Nonnie.
Nonnie, as The Nephews know her, is my mother and the one who ostensibly babysits. However, since I'm the young and underemployed one, I do most of the chasing, playing, feeding, and other stuff. My employed full-time mother enjoys her day off work, mostly browsing the Internet on her iPad and cuddling Smol. Delinquent will usually only consent to cuddling if he is looking for asylum after escaping Baby Jail.
Nonnie does, however, help when things get weird.
8. WHEN I HAVE TO PUT DELINQUENT IN TIME-OUT AFTER HE GETS IN TROUBLE
I lost any sympathy I might have felt for you when you kicked me in the lady parts, bucko.
9. WHEN DELINQUENT GOES THROUGH FOUR PAIRS OF PANTS IN TWO HOURS
I know for a fact that you're starting to get this potty training thing down, man! This is unnecessary!
10. WHEN MY BROTHER COMES HOME, AND HIS CHILDREN ARE NO LONGER MY PROBLEM
I don't even need to add anything to this, really.
11. WHEN DELINQUENT STARTS BEING A PUNK AFTER HIS PARENTS GET HOME
You're a crafty little pants-hating demon, aren't you?
12. WHEN IT'S ALMOST TIME TO LEAVE
I am tired, covered in fluids, and I want to go home.
13. WHEN MY BROTHER ASKS IF I WANT TO BE A LIVE-IN BABYSITTER
In defense of The Nephews though, this is more a shot at my brother's terrible timing than anything else. He also told my sister-in-law he wanted to try for another baby literally hours after she gave birth to Smol.
14. WHEN I BEGIN MISSING THE NEPHEWS
People our age need to lighten up about babies. Babies don't ask what you're planning to do with your degree. Babies don't ask if you have job interviews coming up. Babies don't casually mention that Wal-Mart is hiring.
Babies don't care. Babies want to cuddle and play and eat delicious things that may or may not be food. Sure, they scream and shoot fluids from various orifices with blissful abandon, but they don't cause a person to spiral into an existential crisis. Babies rock.
15. WHEN MY BROTHER INVITES US TO BABYSIT ABOUT A WEEK OR SO LATER?
YES. How is this even a question? I might even do the full-time babysitter thing, because, as mentioned before, I am hilariously underemployed. I'm coming, Smol and Delinquent!
