Having Baby Fever At 18 | The Odyssey Online
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Having Baby Fever At 18

Don't worry, Mom, I'm not planning on having a baby anytime soon.

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Having Baby Fever At 18
Jenn Besaw

Not everyone wants to settle down. So many of my friends want to travel before they marry, be successful before they have children, be free-spirited before tied-down. Not me. I have two dreams: to be a teacher and to be a mom. Teaching is my career; mothering my vocation. I have always known that I am meant to be a mother. There is no soul-searching needed for me to realize that all I want in life is to hold a baby in my arms, knowing that my child is loved and cared for. By me.

I do not need to think about the weighted choice of being a mother. There are no pros and cons, no lists of things that I want to do or accomplish before I spend my early mornings comforting a crying baby. I do not just think that babies are cute. I think babies are lovable, handfuls, and all my own. I want to spend my time raising my child. I sit in mass, looking at all of the little ones around me. I want to hold them. I want to make their faces light up, to hear gurgling noises as they smile and giggle. I want to bounce them into happiness when they are crying. I want to hold them so badly.

There is nothing worse than being an upcoming sophomore in college and wanting a baby. There is so much college to get through before I can think about being married. My friends and I have been talking about how it is more common now for people to wait until they're older to settle down and have kids. I just can't imagine myself doing that. I do not believe that I would be fulfilling my life if I did not have a little human being crawling through my house, attempting to get into cupboards.

On a Friday night, while my friends and I waited through the hour long wait at Taylor Grocery, we drove through the area surrounding the restaurant. We found ourselves in a neighborhood. The grass was bright and recently cut, the shutters and doors painted inviting hues of blue and yellow. The aesthetic of suburban families drifted into the car. I was emotionally affected by this neighborhood. I envisioned myself raising a family there: spending Saturday mornings running through the grass chasing my kids, pulling out of the driveway headed to school, laying in the grass content about the life I was living. I almost cried.

It is hard to be patient when I know so clearly what I want. I want a baby in my arms, I want love in my life, I want to walk barefoot in the grass knowing that I am raising a family. I want to be a mother. There is nothing I want more. I want human connection, I want wailing, I want late nights rocking my children to bed. Kids are messy. Kids are a handful. But I want to always deal with it. I want it to be my life.

As a sophomore in college, I realize that I am not in a position to have children. I do not have enough time to handle a dog, let alone give my life over to having a family. I understand that. I will wait until I am graduated and have a steady career. I just do not think that I can wait much longer than that. Maybe my life won't head down this path. Maybe I will be 30 before I am having kids. I think I would be able to accept that. However, I believe I was created to be a mother. Someday I will be one.

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